No Need To Fear - Revitalizing The Empty Nest

"Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers,
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another,
Laiden with happiness and tears…"

- “Sunrise, Sunset,” Fiddler On The Roof

As any parent will know, the moment a child is brought into your life marks the moment that your life is not just about you.

From the early years of discovering the world again through the eyes of your child, the blossoming of their personalities, the fear of whether you’re doing the right thing, the sleepless nights, the fights, the forgiveness, the celebrations, the pride that grows with every new thing they are able to achieve, to that priceless feeling of witnessing their happiness… being a parent is full of challenge and joy.

Raising a child is undoubtedly a full-time job. By spending years emotionally and financially providing for a child, it may become very easy for you to get wrapped up in how your life has been shaped because of your children.

You may forget that there will come a day when your son or daughter will want to step up to the plate as an independent person. He or she will demand to be perceived as being mature enough to take care of themselves.

A New Era

As the first chapters of adulthood begin for a son or daughter, what is a parent to do? Often, as children go off to college or to live on their own, parents experience what is now commonly referred to as “empty nest syndrome.”

Feelings of loneliness or depression can settle in as the absence of their children becomes stronger. Some parents feel a sense of rejection due to the reality of their child no longer needing them or wanting their involvement as frequently as they used to.

After dedicating such a great amount of time in their children, it should come as no surprise that some parents feel at a loss as to what their roles are and how their days should be structured now that their children are no longer living under the same roof as them. Waves of anxiety and concern can develop in parents as to whether they have prepared their children well enough for “the real world.”

While this is not a clinical syndrome, the effects of adult children departing from their parents’ “nests” are quite real and it is important to realize that they are completely normal.

Both mothers and fathers are susceptible to experiencing “empty nest syndrome,” and should not be ashamed to ask for help understanding and learning to cope with it. The trick to overcoming “empty nest syndrome” is to not see it as an end to parenthood or as an end to enjoying life.

It’s Not ‘The End’!

First and foremost, the fact that your child is no longer living with you does not mean that you are no longer a parent.

The new adventures your son or daughter chooses to embark upon will provide new outlets of conversations and reasons for you to stay in contact with them. Your child will still find occasions to come to you for advice or to share stories of success.

Best of all, communicating with people, no matter how far away, is easier than ever with the help of technology. Connecting is as simple as sending a text message, planning regular phone calls, or even talking face-to-face through video chatting.

Do not think that your child does not want to check in with you. Regularly catching up with mom or dad will remind your child of the unconditional love and support they can count on.

A New Dawn For You Both

Aside from figuring out how to establish and maintain a new kind of relationship with your adult children, you are now encouraged during this time to shine some light on yourself!

Now is the time to think about what new adventures are in store for you, whether that means delving into your own hobbies, picking up new interests, or setting new goals of self-fulfillment to accomplish. By allowing your child to lead his or her own life it is imperative that you do the same.

Trust that your years of parenthood have given your child the tools necessary to help them feel confident as adults and as a reward take the time to prioritize your well being.

Outside of your relationship with yourself, perhaps this may be the perfect opportunity to re-kindle the dynamics of your relationship with your partner. Some parents take advantage of this time by traveling together on trips and group vacations.

You can now devote more attention to discovering how to nurture a healthy relationship with your partner that is defined beyond your years of being “mom and dad.”

You’re Not Alone

At the end of the day, “empty nest syndrome” is something you don’t have to face alone. There are plenty of parents going through the same kinds of emotions who are ready to learn about the empowering opportunities that come along during this time.

Several publications have been written about “empty nest syndrome,” and many parents have created in-person and online discussion forums to bond over this chapter of parenthood.

Additionally, couple therapy can provide the guidance as well to help you see your child’s departure not as a goodbye, but as a hello to your own adventures. Couple counseling can be especially helpful for those couples that find it difficult to discover commonalities with each other, or who hope to reignite that romantic spark.