No. 1 Priority: Harmony

Tibetan school children are taught that the primary value of their society is harmony writes Maureen Healy in the May-June 2009 Spirituality & Health, and what a breath of fresh air that is! The author was invited to teach Tibetan refugee children at Yongling Creche and kindergarten in Dharamsala. She very much wanted to see how children responded in a spiritually-based community. Here’s what she learned: Start with Spirit. Children are introduced to Tibetan home altars within the first week of their lives. Before language, Spirit. The idea of a home altar is a wonderful one. It clarifies the values practiced in that home. I have one, and so does my spouse. Consider what it would take to dedicate a place to make clear where your dedication truly lies. Practice harmony. I looked up the word in the OED wondering why I’d never done so before. It comes from Greek roots that mean joining, agreement, concord. I especially liked concord … as opposed to … discord. Harmony and its practice is about “us-ness,” not “me-ness.” Martin Buber wrote eloquently of this in his classic text, I and Thou. Healy writes, “Tibetan parents praise the act of giving and creating peace among siblings. Other nationalities of parents often focus upon who is ‘right’ and ‘wrong,’ … creating a sense of ‘justice’ versus ‘harmony.’” I loved that she let those nationalities remain nameless—to protect the guilty. I grew up with three younger siblings who happened to have XY chromosomes. Harmony was nowhere near my childhood except when I was alone and hiding out in the pages of a book. I can’t help but think how things might be “altared” with me and my siblings today if harmony had been a value we were taught to hold dear. The OED’s first definition of harmony is “a combination or adaptation of parts, elements, or related things [siblings?] so as to form a consistent and orderly whole, agreement, accord.” There was a lot of contention in my upbringing and not so much accord. Fairness, or its illusion, was much more important than peace. Is it any wonder I grew up to be an inner peace activist? Just teaching what I so desperately needed to learn …. Healy continues: Make everything meaningful. Celebrate achievements lavishly. First smile. First step. First word. It is thought that this keeps children closer to beginner’s mind. I think my entire family could have used a huge dollop of beginner’s mind. By the time I was a sentient being, aware of what I needed and capable of expressing it, the family pattern was too entrenched to change it. I have spent plenty of time in therapy undoing the pattern. Fortunately for Ms. Healy, her smoldering career candle was relit by this Tibetan opportunity. Fortunately for me, I am able to take her recommendations and apply them not only to my life, but to those of my clients as well. Got kids? Harmony first. http://www.costafoundation.org/child_tibet.jpg http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/politics/blog/harmony.jpg