Not Everything That Happens is Personal

The sensation of pain can make it seem difficult to let things go. When life hurts, we tend to want to hold on, as if holding onto our pain will somehow make it feel better. The problem is that the opposite is the case: the more we hold on, the more we suffer. The more we cling, the more pain we create.n nSuffering comes because we cannot let pain go. I wrote a while back about learning to be like water, and water always flows. Unfortunately, pain can act as a dam, inhibiting the free flow of energy in our body-minds. And this constriction creates more pain.n nPart of what keeps us trapped in suffering is believing that everything is personal. When our heart is broken, we think it is about us. When we experience loss, we think it is about us. We create whole stories about our self-worth, about our lovability, about our worthiness, and about our place in the world, based on this erroneous belief that everything that happens to us is personal.n nLet me give you a concrete example:n nI was working with a coaching client whose boyfriend broke up with her. He said that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. When this happened, her heart broke, and she began immediately to tell herself the following story:n n“I must be too fat. He doesn’t think I am attractive. He wants to be with someone who is younger, thinner, and prettier than me. If only I were thinner, then he would want to be with me…”n nShe created an entire story that attributed his behavior to her. She told herself that she had done something wrong; that if only she were different, this wouldn’t have happened. And her story about the pain created much more suffering in her experience.n nWe all have our stories about our pain, and these stories can serve a purpose. The problem is that the stories can also limit us and keep us trapped.n nTo facilitate healing, explore a 3-pronged approach for healing your heart:n n1.)Honor your unique experience, your unique story. We all deserve unconditional love and support. Your story is important and valuable. An important part of healing is honoring your unique experience, your unique vantage point, your unique story.n n2.)After you have honored your pain, your story, your experience, let it go. When you hold onto your story indefinitely, it only creates suffering.n n3.)Explore the possibility that nothing is personal. Explore the idea that your pain is not your own, and therefore you can let it go. You no longer have to keep it; you no longer have to hold onto it. Explore the idea that it was never personal. n nIf you have some part of your heart that you want to heal, if you have something that you want to let go of so that you can discover the peace, the joy, and the freedom that you are and always have been, please mark your calendar for May 19th, 6 pm PST, 9 pm EST.n nWe will be exploring these ideas in greater detail and giving you the tools you need to heal. Look for an email with registration details coming next week.n nOn another note, thank you everyone for your beautiful comments and feedback on my e-zine posts. I truly love to hear from you and appreciate the valuable insight you provide.n nAs many of you may know, one of my goals is to create a community of healing where you can get the support you need to live a life you love. One of the ways to do this is through sharing our stories, feedback, etc. To facilitate this, I will be posting all of my e-zines on my blog where you can leave comments. This way, everyone can benefit from your wisdom, inspiration, and insight. You can post your comments here .nPlease post comments when you get a chance – it will benefit everyone. Remember, the more you heal, the more you help to heal the whole planet. n nAs always, thank you for your support and love,nPeace, Love, Beauty, Sarah Marianwww.sarahmaria.comnsarahmaria@sarahmaria.comn510-326-9610nP.O. Box 7509nOakland, CA 94601