Not Born to be a Mom

Growing up, many girls dream of becoming a wife and mother. They imagine meeting Mr. Right and planning their perfect wedding. They envision a cute pregnant belly and keep track of all their favorite baby names. For many, they can’t wait to begin this chapter in their life. For other women, the thought of marriage and motherhood is not very high up on their list of priorities. Being a housewife is not necessarily their dream job and mate
al instincts don’t always come naturally.

I belonged to the latter group. I had no aspirations to get married young, or have children. I was more focused on figuring out a career plan, and just hanging out with friends. I never fawned over babies and the thought of being a housewife made me cringe. I thought that if I ever did get married, and that’s a big “if”, it would be much later in my life. Of course, life hardly ever works out the way we plan.

Without even pursuing a relationship, Mr. Right slammed into my life when I was 18 years old. We just fit. I didn’t care about a fancy wedding, but I knew he would be my husband. By 20, I was married, and a year later became pregnant with twins. After the boys were born, I found myself in very strange territory. I absolutely loved my babies and my husband, but struggled within myself. I went from a very independent, ambitious young woman, to what I thought of as a frumpy, boring housewife. I was thankful to have the opportunity to stay at home with my boys, but I felt like something was missing. Trying to turn myself into “Suzie Homemaker” just wasn’t working.

Finally, I figured out that you do not have to transform yourself into a completely different person. You just have to find a way to blend the old person into your new life. Many women feel they have to focus 100% on their kids. They lose touch with their friends, and forget about their hobbies and interests outside of parenting.

Sometimes to thrive, you have to find time to accomplish your personal goals. My biggest goal was college. I was worried about money and time, but I stopped making excuses and signed up for classes. Thanks to online programs and grants, I can work from home and have not had to pay a dime. This made the biggest difference in my attitude. I am achieving something that is very important to me, and in the long run it will benefit my family as well.

I stopped trying to be “Supermom” and embraced my flaws. I gave up on being a gourmet chef and having a spotless house. Instead, I started focusing on keeping myself and my family healthy, mentally and physically. Making time for exercise and recreational sports gives me more energy and keeps me from looking like a “mother of three”. Having date nights with my husband, and staying in touch with close friends reminds me that I have a life outside of baby talk and dirty diapers. It also helps me appreciate the fact that I am no longer in the “dating” world.

Being a mom is extremely rewarding, but for some women, it isn’t everything. Whether it is getting a degree, starting a new hobby, or simply catching up with old friends, pursue your interests. Your personal well-being strengthens the entire family. The first step is to remember who you are and what you want out of life. It takes a little more effort when you have an active family, but if it is important, you can find a way to follow your dreams. You can have it all.