If one was to think about the kinds of experiences that they have had so far this year, they may find that there have been a number of moments that have had a negative effect on their life. This could relate to what has taken place in the real world, as well as what has occurred online.

And while one may remember moments where things have happened to them directly; they may also get in touch with things that didn’t. When it comes to the former, it could mean that someone did something to them; whereas when it comes to the latter, it could mean someone did something to another person.


If something happened to them directly, it could be a sign that they were verbally abused or even attacked. It is then not going to be a surprise for these kinds of experiences to stay in their mind even after time has passed.


Alternatively, if they have been around others who were verbally or physically harmed, it could be said that it would be normal for them to experience a negative reaction. A fellow human being has been harmed and through having the ability to empathise with them, it had an effect on them.

Other Occurrences

However, regardless of whether one has had these experiences or not, it doesn’t mean that their year has been pain free. For example, they may have experienced some kind of loss during this time.

Or perhaps they wanted something to take place and it hasn’t, and this has then made their life harder. This could then cause them to believe that their life is not going in the right direction, for instance.

Part of Life

Based on this, it would be accurate to say that pain is part of life and it won’t be necessary for one to be around people who are harmful. Thus, if one expects to live a life where they only experience pleasure, they are going to suffer unnecessarily.

It could then be said that it will be important for one to realise that it is not possible to have one without the other. Through having this outlook, it can make it easier for them to embrace both sides and stop them from getting too caught up in the need to feel good all the time.


It has been said that in instead of trying to feel good all the time, it would be better for one to develop the ability to handle the ups and downs of life. When this happens, one will be able to face reality as opposed to having the need to avoid it.

And through having the ability to handle life, this can give one a deep sense of satisfaction. This is likely to mean that they won’t be used to being high on positive feelings, but what it will give them is a more fulfilling life.

Another Experience

Still, while one can experience pain by being verbally and physically harmed and through experiencing things that are part of life (such as loss and being let down), they can also be affected through what people say. And this can relate to what people say to them, as well as what people say to others.

Along with this, it can also include what people say in general, and this will mean that they are not talking to anyone in particular. In this case, they are simply sharing their views with the world.


Now, this is not going to be the same as being verbally abused; what it will come down to is that one will hear something and they will feel hurt or upset, among other things. And through feeling this way, they can come to the conclusion that they have been harmed (just as they would if they were verbally or physically abused).

How they feel will then be seen as a consequence of what has been said, and this shows that they are focused on what is taking place externally. This could then cause them to become angry, or they could end up feeling down.


The next step could be for them to try to control what is taking place externally, and this could mean the will label someone (or a group of people). Through labelling them, it can cause them to feel ashamed and they might fear what might happen to them if they say anything else.

As a result of this, one can stop them from being able to express their views, and this can be seen as a form of tyranny. If one was able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place, they may come to see that they are not taking responsibility for how they feel.


Instead of hearing something and then basing their conclusion on how they feel; they could look into what is taking place within them. During this time, they may find that what they have heard has triggered an emotional reaction within them.

But as they are unable to contain their emotional experience and to look into why they feel the way they do, they are unable to think clearly. And not only can one feel hurt, they can also act as though they are right.


This can then allow them to believe that they are better than the person who offended them, and there will be no reason for them to look into why they are experiencing life in this way. It is then going to be more or less impossible to have a rational discussion with them.

But if they were to come back down to earth and to reflect on what is taking place, it would cause them to face how they feel. And as they are unable to handle how they feel, this is going to be the last thing on their mind.


If one can relate to this and they want to develop the ability to contain their emotional experience, it might be important for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group. Through doing this, it will give them the chance to look into why certain things press their buttons, so to speak.

And while this will cause them to experience pain, it will allow them to grow into an adult that takes responsibility for how they feel. This will also have a positive effect on the world, as they will no longer try to control what other people say.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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