Did you just get dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend? I know how painful a break up can be. I’ve been there myself, and I think that most people have in their lifetimes. Still it doesn’t make the pain any easier. But did you know that there is one small thing that most people seem to do that makes the pain of a break up so much more worse? If you simply get rid of this one thing, you’ll significantly reduce the pain.

So, what is this simple thing that only compounds the pain?

Simply put, it is resisting the break up. You see, by trying to push away the break up or deny it, you are doing two things that make it very difficult for you.

First, you are making yourself feel worse. You can either accept the break up or you can fight against it. When you accept it, that doesn’t mean that you have to happy about it or that you’re going to passively sit by idly while your relationship falls apart. It simply means that you are emotionally okay with the fact that it happened.

On the other hand, by resisting it, you are creating additional suffering by asking yourself questions like “how could my boyfriend do this to me?” or “did my girlfriend ever even love me to begin with?” This only causes your mind to focus on the pain and suffering you are experiencing and it magnifies these negative feelings.

Secondly, by resisting the break up, you make it less likely that you can take effective actions to feel better or save your relationship. Instead, you just feel trapped by the negative feelings that you are experiencing.

By accepting the break up, you can begin to change your mindset from one of suffering to one of resourcefulness. Instead of feeling negative emotions and resisting the break up, you may start to think things like “We broke up, and I am not happy about that, but what can I do from here to feel better?”

Can you start to see how this is a better frame of mind to be in when you are going through a break up? You’ll have much less emotional turmoil and you’ll put yourself in a better place to take action and take your life in a new direction.

So, how can you do this? Well, the main reason you would resist a break up is because you are focusing your mind on what you do not want. You don’t want to feel lonely or rejected. By changing your focus from what you don’t want to what you do want, you can start to feel better and end the cycle of resistance.

Simply get in the habit of asking yourself “what do I want?” and catch yourself whenever you notice that you are focusing on what you don’t want. This will take some practice, but, like building a muscle with exercise, it will become stronger and you can start to take control of your thought process.

Author's Bio: 

If you'd like to learn more break up tips that I picked up after my own break up, check out the signs your ex wants you back and what I did to get my girlfriend back after she dumped me.

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men improve their relationship and manage the problems that they may experience in relating with and dating women.