By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Just when you think you have heard it all, along comes Mo’Nique! Here is what she says about her marriage to Sid -- "Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker," she says. "That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage.'"
And according to she says “she wouldn't call it quits even if he had numerous flings.”

We are sorry Mo’Nique, but you and people like you send a terrible message to those who are married – to those who are in love. Trust us when we say this – you are plain wrong and your message is not supported by any research on successful marriage
we have conducted around the world! Here’s why.

We have studied marriage on six continents of the world for 27+ years. We have interviewed successfully married couples in over 40 countries. And we find absolutely no support for your notion of marriage anywhere in the world! Period!

Mo’Nique talks about her “prior marriages.” The truth is this is a recurring theme. People who fail at marriage multiple times now think they are experts at marriage. Worse yet, because they are celebrities their greatly publicized lifestyle becomes a model for others to follow about fidelity, good marriage, trust, truth, and successful relationships.

Here’s the deal – you learn very little about success by studying failure! If you want to know about successful marriage, study successful marriage. We have spent a lifetime doing the latter and we are growing increasingly weary of people like Mo’Nique. Her failed marriages and her “open” marriage with her current husband does not tell us much, if anything at all, about successful love and marriage. It actually speaks volumes about how to fail at love and marriage with little insight about how to succeed.

Her so-called marriage does NOT reflect the formula for success we have found and reported in our new book, Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2010).

Comments attributed to Mo’Nique are, in fact, the antithesis to what we know and have learned about great marriages around the world over nearly three decades of research on successful marriage.

The problem is – and because she is a “celebrity” based on her Academy Award nomination for the movie entitled Precious – people listen to her irrespective of her expertise or knowledge base about what makes for great marriages. They listen to her because of her celebrity status. Bad idea!

The fact is trust is at the core of successful and long-term marriages. In our thousands of interviews over the years, happily married couples have told us repeatedly and with passion – they would never engage in infidelity, they would never cheat on the one they love. The key core elements of the best marriages are trust, respect, truthfulness, togetherness, and kindness. There is no getting around these core conditions and still have a successful marriage.

People like Mo’Nique are not only delusional about what is required for a successful marriage, they do a great disservice to people who are in love and who are contemplating marriage.

If we have learned one lesson from our interviews on six continents of the world over these past nearly three decades of research – you do not “sleep around,” cheat on your spouse, or engage in “flings” and stay happily married. It hardly ever happens! Period!

One final point – as you have heard us report before, first time marriages end in divorce about a third of the time (not the often reported 50%). But second marriages end about two-thirds of the time and third marriages end in divorce three-fourths of the time. The lesson here is clear – way too many people fail to get it right the first time and then, they never learn the lessons required to make their marriage work the second or third time around.

Mo’Nique is either terribly naïve regarding the ways of the world or she has some agenda that she thinks will make her popular in Hollywood. Making a commitment to another human being for a lifetime requires more effort than people like Mo’Nique are apparently willing to make. Shame on her and shame on those who believe the nonsense about marriage she spews.

Simple Things Matter in love and marriage. Love well!

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

Authors of the best-selling book and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
2009 Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships

Author's Bio: 

As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 26 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 43-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.

Get started with America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts by taking their Marriage Quiz or sending your questions to Ask the Doctors for Marriage Advice.

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