Overcoming Self-Doubt and Fear of Incapacity in the Spiritual Endeavour

Spiritual seekers throughout the ages have been confronted with internal anguish about whether they actually have the capacity and ability to succeed in their spiritual endeavour. They go through periods of enthusiasm and joy as they feel the spiritual force working in them, bringing them insights, spiritual experiences and what appears to be progress. When these periods are abated for some time, they may be subject to doubt, despair or depression as they feel they may be unfit.

This oscillation between the two states is due to, first of all, ego attachment and vital seeking that creates a desire or ambition to succeed, sets parameters for what constitutes success, and then reacts if these self-defined objectives are not being met. The operation of the Gunas, Rajas fueling the vital ambition and enthusiasm, and Tamas, the consequent falling back into doubt and despair, drives these reactions.

In various places, Sri Aurobindo describes the transformation of consciousness as a dual action of ‘ascent’ and ‘integration’. During the times of ascent, the experiences come and make themselves felt. During the times of integration, these experiences recede as the force works behind the scenes to modify the mind, the vital being and the physical frame to hold and utilise it for the transformation. During the times of integration, or assimilation, the surface being does not believe anything is being done, as it cannot see or feel it. This is simply a mistaken impression. Sri Aurobindo therefore asserts that ‘he who chooses the Infinite has been chosen by the Infinite’, implying a Divine sanction for the individual that comes from the spiritual plane, and is not driven by the ego-motivations of the individual.

The work of transformation of human nature is not something to be done in a day, nor by individual effort. It is a process of the evolution of the next stage of consciousness which necessarily has to work out a lot of obstructions, obstacles, resistances and distortions that exist in our present human nature. If the individual moves away from the ego-standpoint to the divine standpoint, the need for internal self-doubt disappears. In a work that may take decades or centuries, applying a judgment term based on an individual human life experience is bound to be inaccurate and misleading.

Sri Aurobindo writes: “The only truth in your other experience — which, you say, seems at the time so true to you, — is that it is hopeless for you or anyone to get out of the inferior consciousness by your or his unaided effort. That is why when you sink into this inferior consciousness, everything seems hopeless to you, because you lose hold for a time of the true consciousness. But the suggestion is untrue, because you have an opening to the Divine and are not bound to remain in the inferior consciousness.”

“When you are in the true consciousness, then you see that everything can be done, even if at present only a slight beginning has been made; but a beginning is enough once the Force, the Power are there. For the truth is that it can do everything and only time and the soul’s aspiration are needed for the entire change and the soul’s fulfilment.”

Sri Aurobindo, Bases of Yoga, Chapter 2, Faith — Aspiration — Surrender, pp. 33-34