To state the obvious, sex is deeply woven into the fabric of human consciousness and human life at every level. Sexual energy is like nuclear energy in that its enormous power can be harnessed and utilized for good - or - it can get out of control and be very destructive. Or it can be so scary that we decide to stay away from it altogether.
When we are struggling with problems regarding sex, it is absolutely critical for us to have at the forefront of our minds that others are struggling as well. I'll explain why in a moment; first let me clarify that in saying "problems regarding sex," I am referring to such things as insecurity, frustrated desire, secrecy, lack of interest, excessive interest, conflictedness, confusion, compulsive behavior, obsessive thoughts, lack of communication, negative self-image, envy, unrequited attraction, disappointment, etc. You know - the human condition stuff.
aloneness is not only unnecessary, it is dangerous
Shame prevents us from looking with clear-sightedness and compassion at our own pain and difficulties - and it intensifies how badly we feel about ourselves. When there is a preponderance of shame, it's as if a cloud of self-criticism is following us and essentially making us go into hiding.
Once this happens, we have a situation where the original problems are still there, but now in addition to that we find ourselves caught up in secondary problems of fear and obsessive criticism of self or others. The problem itself, which was probably solvable, has now mushroomed into a much bigger 'monster.'
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Aloneness is the breeding ground for more shame, more pain, more obsessive thinking and more self-destructive behaviors. It is astounding the level of damage that we human beings can do to ourselves when we are alone, inside our own heads.
diagnosis: your problems with sex are normal
No matter the degree or the nature of your current problems with sex, there are thousands (or more likely, tens of thousands) of people around the world experiencing something very similar in this very moment. In therapy jargon, this recognition is called normalizing. While you may be feeling very alone and unique in your situation, it's actually the case that, as the saying goes,what is most personal is most general.
Knowing this intellectually, however, is not enough - you must repeat this to yourself over and over until you get it, deep in your bones. Human beings need to be and feel connected to the tribe - plain and simple. When we operate on the assumption that we are unique and different in shameful ways, we set in motion all kinds of thinking and behavior that deeply intensify our struggles.
owning your problems with sex
In addition to seeing ourselves as part of the (imperfect and flawed) human family, we need to take responsibility for our problems and own them. If we don't own them, they will own us. Our problems with sex can be minor or major, or anywhere in between. They can serve as petty annoyances, minor dissatisfactions, chronic frustrations or devastating catastrophes - to our psychological equilibrium and our relationships.
What level of intensity are your current problems with sex?
Non-existent at the moment
Minor, some dissatisfactions
Fairly intense & frustrating
Very intense & very frustrating
Devastating & disorienting
the first step is to address the shame
We take an important step in life when we simply acknowledge the shame we feel about a given personal issue. We take a further step when - instead of minimizing it or neurotically ruminating about it - we decide to talk to someone about it. This could be your partner, a friend, a therapist, a trusted adviser, a spiritual mentor, or even an anonymous person in a supportive online forum. The key is to break the silence and admit that you need help.
Talking to someone about our concerns regarding our sex lives is the antidote to the shame that keeps us bound up in fear, guardedness and repression. Once we do this, the awkwardness and embarrassment we feel begins to decrease, and we begin to feel freer and less imprisoned by our own thoughts and feelings.
you're not so special
It is paradoxically helpful sometimes to say to yourself, "I'm not so special - in fact I am pretty ordinary."
The truth is that our struggles and concerns about our sex lives are pretty run-of-the-mill. Neighbors, co-workers, family, and celebrities - they are all facing (or have faced) similar challenges in their sex lives. In fact, feel free to take a look around any social environment that you're in and remind yourself that: I am not alone. Each and every person here, like me, has some level of insecurities, doubts, disappointments, fears and frustrations around sex. They are like me and I am like them. All of us are doing our best to live life in the face of overwhelming complexity - and there is no one doing it perfectly.
taking responsibility for your sex life
Ask yourself:
What thoughts and feelings - fears and desires - do I have about my sex life?
What do I want my sex life to look like going forward?
Who can I talk to about my sex life, to help me get a better handle on this area of my life?
Our sex lives are like every other area of life: We construct and shape them over time by how we think, feel, communicate and act - one day at a time. And just as with other areas of our lives (i.e. physical health, financial, spiritual), we can move our sex lives towards the top of our agendas and give them increased thought and attention - if that is something we need to do.
This entails realizing that 'sexual issues' are essentially communication issues. In other words, to have healthier and more satisfying sex lives, we need to communicate more regularly and more honestly with our partner(s) and/or others who are working on this area of their lives as well. And sometimes we need to talk to a professional first, to prepare for the next steps.
Pay Close Attention Here-
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It is very important to make a woman orgasm during intercourse. If you want her to be ready for sex whenever you are, you have to make it a pleasurable experience for her also. Try these tricks to get lucky and make her orgasm as many times as you want.
Pay Attention to the Small Details
Hugging, kissing, necking and fondling are all small but intimate gestures which show your desire to get closer to her. Shower her with kisses and make her feel aroused to the peak.
Foreplay
There is nothing more important than a good foreplay. It relaxes and arouses the woman at the same time and ensures a good climax during intercourse. Indulge in some intimate positions and movements and let her feel your heat.
Be Naughty
Instead of trying to be a stud, be naughty and playful. She will feel excited and will be less self conscious. Become her pleasure toy for a change.
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Let Her Take Charge
Ask her what she wants you to do. If you have been good during foreplay, she will guide you to the spots where she feels more sensations. Take cues and fulfill her demands.
Good Oral Sex
It is not as if all women want oral sex all the time. But you can try it for some adventure. Ask her if she would like it and perform it well. Bad oral sex can be disastrous for all your coming sexual encounters.
Don't Keep it Short
The entire process of foreplay and oral sex should be long enough to make her ask for more and more. There is no short cut here. There has to be a good build up, proper climax and also some after play.
Try Something New
Get a new sex toy or get a book or video. The excitement of some addition in your routine will make her adventurous and she will be willing to try the new techniques shown in the book or video. The novelty is a guarantee for heightened pleasure.
And One Last thing...
If you want to become the man of choice for ANY woman in bed, you MUST increase your sexual stamina. With just a LITTLE effort you can gain the power to last ALL night long...and in my experience, the rewards are worth their weight in orgasmic gold for the both of you!
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You can become the best she has ever had and you can make that happen now. There is help so you can master female ejaculation and be the best.
It's often said that women take a lot of time and stimulation to achieve an orgasm but what if you were told a secret technique using which you will be able to make her orgasm within seconds? There are some secret underground secrets using which you will be able to make her achieve mind blowing levels of stimulation and at the same time make her climax extremely fast. Read on to discover what these techniques are and how you can make her orgasm almost instantly........
You don't need to work that hard- Well if you thought you have to work hard then you are highly mistaken. It's actually real easy to make a woman orgasm fast even without working hard. Now this technique involves the right stimulation of her strongest sexual orgasm which is her mind. Yes that's right her mind. She must be in a strong emotional state as that's the time when she will orgasm extremely fast.
You don't have to be brilliant, good-looking, or well-endowed to have her think you're a sex god... you just have to be 'dumb' enough to follow these step-by-step instructions
The emotional states- It basically depends on your emotional state. If she is a bit angry, jealous or is probably having mood swings. This is the best time when you should have sex with her. The reason behind this somewhat unknown but this is the reason why makeup sex after a fight is real pleasurable. With women whenever they are going through a strong emotion no matter what that emotion might be they are the most likely to orgasm and often they will orgasm within seconds of stimulation if you do it at the right moment. The best way to get her into a state is to playfully tease her and play around with her. Let her try a bit hard with you & try to play a bit too hard to get. You see under this situation she might get a bit angry and this will be the right time to have sex with her.
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If there's one area of female sexuality that confuses men more than any other -- it's the issue of what women really think about a man's 'size'.
Said differently... most men worry themselves to death about how big they are 'down there' because they think it really matters in the bedroom.
Many guys think women want men with 'big tools' and they think that a 'big tool' is required to SEXUALLY SATISFY a woman in bed.
So what's the truth?
Does 'size' matter?
Read on carefully and you'll find out...
If you believe that 'size' matters, then it will. The reason I say this is because if you focus on your 'size' and feel like you are not big enough, it will destroy your SEXUAL CONFIDENCE. And if there's one thing women love in the bedroom -- it's a man will sexual confidence.
Of course, you could be very well endowed and think that that is all you need to please a woman. If that's the case, you'll be missing the bigger picture and you probably won't ever give a woman truly GREAT SEX.
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But here's the thing...
Size doesn't really matter provided you give your woman vaginal orgasms during intercourse.
Let's get one thing straight -- most men are not giving their women vaginal orgasms during intercourse and it's not because of a lack of size. The real reason they aren't giving their women vaginal orgasms during intercourse is because they are lacking the following things:
- Excellent sexual beliefs
- A good knowledge of female anatomy
- Knowledge of highly effective sexual techniques
- The ability to be dominant in the bedroom
Can you honestly say you have all of those things?
If you do, you are probably already giving your woman vaginal orgasms during intercourse and she is almost certainly a very happy girl in the bedroom.
However, if you are lacking any of the things on that list, you are almost certainly not giving your woman the type of orgasms we are discussing and therefore -- she is not totally sexually fulfilled (no matter what she might tell you).
To totally sexually satisfy your woman, you have to get the vaginal orgasms during intercourse working. To do this, you must first give your woman vaginal orgasms using your fingers. This is best done by using your middle finger (or middle and index fingers) to stimulate her DEEP SPOT and G-SPOT.
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You WILL give your girl MIND BLOWING orgasms with this technique so she won't be letting you get out of bed. Don't schedule any other activities for the day after.
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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly
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