Parents - Reboot Your Connection

Busy parents sometimes don’t communicate well with each other because they’re - well, busy. They’re preoccupied with their work, children and all of the responsibilities that go along with them. Sometimes as a result of this juggling act, mom and dad lose a wee bit of the warm and loving connection with one another that brought them together in the first place. They may begin to live a more stressed life that includes handling just what’s in front of them, with more curt ways of communicating, and less intimacy as a result. This can further create a chasm for the couple over time.

Do you know that when someone has just come out of a hospital or has been in trauma (child or adult) the first thing we do as a loved one is treat them delicately? We are kinder and go out of our way to do our best so that they feel cared for and supported. Treat your spouse the same way during this stressful time in order to mend your disconnection.

The Healing Approach

1) Land with Love. I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs. Greet your other half with a big hug at the door when they come home. I once had a male client tell me that everyone in his house was so consumed with whatever they were doing that he felt unnoticed when he came home. Let your mate know that their home is a place where the safe haven of love lives. A simple embrace with little talk at the door will do. Then, allow them to decompress the way they need to when they walk in the door.

2) Add gestures of affection like kisses and quick back rubs to your repertoire in the middle of your daily routine with the family. Or, let’s say she’s working in the office and you’re getting yourself some water. Get her some too and serve it with a smile. Show your partner that you love them with your actions.

3) Tell your mate, “Thank you for being so wonderful”. Let them know that their presence and helpfulness really matters. Tell her specifically what she did for you yesterday that really helped. Let him know that he is of value to you. Whisper it in their ear like it's a moment for just you two. These are small acts that can be done quickly in the middle of a busy evening or in a toast at the end of the day once the kids are asleep. Little whispers can change a moment from bad to good, very quickly.

4) Listen not only with your ears but with your heart. My mother taught me this a long time ago. Human beings don’t always speak exactly what’s on their minds, but if we’re really listening to each other, we can hear beyond the voice to the heart. Take a moment to patiently listen the next time you check in with your partner. Observe their actions. Be mindful of how they're feeling when they speak. When we really feel heard and understood in every way, we are loved.

Lastly, remember that you’re both going through a hectic time, so forgive one another if there have been harsh words or judgments spoken. Begin again and try the healing approach.