Passion Play or Emotional Abuse?

Are you in love with an emotionally abusive person? Do you know how to recognize the difference between someone who is displaying passionate or deeply felt feelings and emotional abuse? rnDo they become angry when you are happy, or act happy and unconcerned when you are depressed or upset? Or worse, perhaps they become aggressive when you feel vulnerable, hurt or sad. rnEmotions are very powerful and if you do not know what they are signaling or how to regulate them, your reactions can be very confusing, challenging to manage, and will almost always negatively impact your relationships. rnA very different type of emotional abuse, manipulation occurs when someone uses their emotions to force their will on you. Does your partner insist on you obeying him when he is angry, or expect you to drop everything when he is depressed or sad, expecting you to cheer him up? People guilty of emotional manipulation should work on overcoming their codependence. Your partner may also inflict emotional abuse when he feels vulnerable and ill equipped to deal with his life or is fearing you may abandon him. rnAn abusive person may see their partner as a parental figure and feel helpless and threatened when a partner shows any sign of weakness. Yet signs of strength may be just as threatening because it triggers their fear of abandonment. In effect they may wish to keep their partner strong enough to care and provide for them, while also weak enough that they cannot ‘run away.’ rnJust because you can’t directly control another person’s behaviour to make them stop doesn’t mean you are powerless. In fact, shifting your own behaviour is the single most influential act that will dramatically improve both sides of your relationship. rnYou always knew studying and learning new things could increase your intelligence but did you know you can increase your emotional intelligence as well? Increasing your emotional intelligence and working on other personal development skills will help you feel more secure and in command of your own emotions. Kim Cooper is the author of “Back from the Looking Glass” and “The Love Safety Net Workbook,” e-books about healing an abusive relationship. She and her husband Steve co-host The Love Safety Net talk radio show and website at www.thelovesafetynet.com.