Permissive Parenting

"Children are a gift from the Lord;a real Blessing". The Holy Bible calls upon parents to love their children. Not only must parents execute this noble duty, but they must, in so doing, protect, feed and nurture their children throughout their childhood and provide them with sound values which will equip them to take up responsible positions in society.
However, a call to love is not a call to be permissive as a parent. Remember the age old adage, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’. Parents who are over indulgent do not help their children to develop sound character. Parents who condone their children’s wrong doing pave the way for their own grief in the future.

When we take up the responsibility of parenting a child we are, in fact, making a lifelong commitment to learning and teaching. This means that we need to be continually seeking knowledge, wisdom and discernment to pass on to our children in the advice, admonitions and instructions that we give to them daily. We need to constantly upgrade our values and model sound principles for our children to emulate. In short, we become role models every day of our lives so we have to reflect sound judgement, values and behaviour at all times.

Modern day parents are often accused of being too permissive. It raises the question what exactly is encompassed in the whole concept of permissiveness. Any response to this may be subjective. However, if one upholds sound principles and lives within a society governed by acceptable social norms one is clearly guided into establishing acceptable standards of behaviour for one’s children and the friends with whom they interact.

The problem of over permissiveness may a have its root in three main causes:
1. Irresponsibility – Some parents are quite frankly, irresponsible in the manner in which they raise their children. Very often this is the case with very young parents whose own value systems are not fully developed and who are not yet mature enough for this huge responsibility. Additionally, some parents are so burdened with responsibilities - professional, domestic and otherwise - that they take the easy way out, which is to leave the children to their own devices. They will argue that they provide all the material needs and the children are big enough to look after themselves. The result is that society finds itself plagued with a generation of loveless parents and children who are virtually strangers to each other. This is definitely not what the family unit was intended to produce.

2. ‘Love’ – Some parents misguidedly believe that to love their children is to please them at all times and that in so doing they earn their children’s love. This is a misconception! Children respect more, parents who are firm, consistent and strong. Parents who are indulgent are soon perceived as weak and easily manipulated and children gradually lose respect for them. This gives rise to many of the relationship problems between parents and children which occur during the teenage years. It is the responsibility of the parent to administer discipline and children appreciate when it is done with consistency and love. After all, the Bible admonishes parents to ‘teach children to follow the right path and when they grow older they will not depart from it’. We do not have control over the choices that our children will make when they grow up, but that should, in no way, hinder us from carrying out our parental roles responsibly, effectively and judiciously. This means that our love should manifest itself even in the discipline that we administer to our children.

3. Problems/Disorders- Some children are unfortunate to grow up with parents who are struggling with physical illness or mental/psychological/emotional disorders which cause them to neglect their parental responsibilities and allow their children free reign to do as they like. Some examples are alcoholic parents, parents in relationship problems and parents with unstable or stressful job situations. These parents are unable to function effectively as parents with their own difficulties hence they give way to permissive parenting as it is so much easier to do so. Sadly, the children suffer the consequences in the long run.

Parenting is one of the noblest responsibilities that can be given to anyone; it is an honour. We should therefore strive to perform this duty in a manner befitting the honour which was bestowed upon us. This entails loving our children well enough to discipline them when they do wrong just as we reward them when they have done well. It entails never condoning their wrongs no matter how painful it might be to admonish them. If we love them dearly then we need to instil the values and principles which will guide them into responsible adulthood.

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