Playfulness: An Important Part of Healthy Relationships

Research indicates that we needs at least 12 laughs a day to be healthy. Laughter helps to boost our immune system and makes us more resilient. As Reader Digest suggests, laughter really is the best medicine. It can help you to relax and boost your mood. It helps to protect your heart and to reduce physical pain. It decreases stress hormones and releases endorphins or feel good chemicals in your brain. It increases oxygen flow to your brain and improve creativity. Play and laughter help couples feel connected and bonded to each other. You can improve the quality of your relationship by making a conscious effort to incorporate play and laughter into your daily activities. A sense of humor is an excellent coping mechanism for couples, as long as they are not laughing at each other. Laugh at yourself, laugh at the situation, laugh with your partner, but do not laugh at your partner. Humor is only healthy for your relationship if both of you are laughing. Be careful not to be making light of something that your partner does not find funny at all. This kind of humor indicates a lack of respect rather than mutual enjoyment. Also be careful that your humor is not veiled anger, where you are using sharp and biting comments. Keep it light and above board. Saying, “I was just joking,” after a hurtful or stabbing remark, does not make it funny. Laughter can often help us gain a sense of perspective. Many times we are able to laugh about our struggles several years later. The thing to ask yourself is, if I am going to laugh about this in a few years, how can I find the humor in the situation now? It requires skill, insight and an optimistic outlook to find the humor in difficult situations, but doing so can greatly reduce the stress. In strained relationships, humor is often one of the first things to suffer. Couples start to take themselves and each other much too seriously. They lose their positive bond of mutual enjoyment, that helps to buffer them through trials, struggles and disappointments. Finding your funny bones can make it easier for you to cut each other some slack and feel more willing to cooperate to find solutions that work for both of you. Humor is an important part of a healthy relationship, but it is also important to be congruent and honest with your partner. If you never allow yourself to express sadness or anger, you may be using humor to mask your emotions and avoid conflict. Balance is the key—open and honeset communicaiton is also an important part of healthy relationships. To improve your playfulness and sense of humor in your relationship it is not necessary to start telling jokes. It is more about having a open attitude and understanding that smiles are contagious. The following are some suggestions for improving your playfulness and sense of humor as a couple:

• Read and watch more humor (uplifting humor is best)
• Laugh more together
• Hone your humor consciousness by being more observant and curious
• Ask silly questions
• Set aside some play time for the two of you (if you are self conscious you can include pets or children)
• Make a journal or scrapbook of Times We Laughed