Please Pass The Gravy- How to Have FUN During the Holidays Without Losing YOUR Mind."

As a personal and business development coach (aka “LIFE” Coach) I focus on the “want-tos” of my clients. Coaches help people through transitions, help businesses grow, and help people develop a well balanced life. We show our clients tools, methods, and practices designed to help people and businesses BE more, DO more and CREATE more. Life Coaches help YOU to reach YOUR fullest potential, and live a fulfilled life.

Oh– BOY! The Holiday Season is HERE! With all of its intrinsic GOODNESS it can get spoiled by the duties, the obligations, the time crunches to fit IT all in, and the list goes on and on about how UN-fun the holidays can become.

Recently I posted an informal survey question via my various social networks.

I asked, “What is the most UN-fun part of the holiday season for YOU?”

Here are some replies:

Which ones do YOU identify with?

“Wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, seeing your crazy in-laws, Christmas caroling, drunk crazy Uncles, crappy Christmas presents that you don’t want, family fighting, having to travel to different families houses, shopping at the mall”

“The relaxed business mindset people get into. Less people answer phone calls, it takes longer to get things done, and a lot of folks basically go off the grid for a month. They ramp it down getting ready for the holiday, then take off for the Holiday, then are slow to get back into the swing of things when they return from the Holiday! I am not a fan of slowing down! LOL”

“All the prep and it only lasts a few hours. It is ALWAYS a huge let-down for me even though I have come to fully expect it.”

“It causes me more stress then joy finding the perfect gift, making the perfect dish, wearing the perfect outfit. Self inflicted stress has always been my personality flaw.”

“The most “un-fun” part is people getting away from the basics. Thanksgiving… a time to enjoy the “harvest” and be with friends and family. Christmas.. a time to rejoice the birth of Christ. Simple.. in both cases we are to have Joy and Rejoice… but we tend to forget this and worry about where to go, what to eat, what to buy, what to give…… Who gives a $%^*… Just relax, sit back and surround yourself with joy.. (this may not include family. .travel… or gifts..)”

“Eating dry turkey and roast. Thank God for butter, gravy and bread, oh yeah good eggnog too!!”

“Being deployed to Iraq…duh”

“Having to say goodbye too soon to family that I only get to see during the holidays!”

“Shopping for gifts.”

“Shopping. I hate it. Love the cooking though.”

“Shopping for everyone else other than my kids!”

“Mom Mother’s death anniversary”

“Not being able to be with all of the family.”

No doubt the holiday seaso
DOES have all the ingredients to create stress, and unpleasant experiences for many people. There are numerous opportunities to; screw up a household budget, add about 30 or more “To-Do’s to your lists, or how about adding 30 or more pounds to your waistline! During the holiday’s you tend to use the credit card you promised yourSELF you wouldn’t, beat yourSELF up for forgetting something or someone. Lets be honest…these aspects of the holidays really, really SUCK! If you focus on them, it only get worse. Suddenly its New Year’s Eve and you have no desire to celebrate, no money to do it with, you end up falling asleep before seeing ball drop on TV.

Let me challenge you to VIEW & DO things differently this year.

You CAN have FUN during the holidays, get through the season with peacefulness, and joy. You CAN ring in the new year with a sense of hope, awe and wonder.

1. The Shopping

If you hate shopping, then DON”T.

Now hold on– I am not saying not to give. Just don’t shop.

The best gift you can ever give to anyone, be it your Mother, your children, your long lost cousin, or a complete stranger is the BEST version of yourSELF.

One of the keys to achieving success and being at peace is to make your insides match your outside.

If you seriously hate to shop, quickly examine the reasons why? Make this list of reason why BEFORE your create your shopping list.

Is it really the gift selecting OR is it fighting the traffic, and rude people in lines at stores, finding out something is not there?

The reasons for your hatred may come from something other than the actual shopping. FIND yourself a solution to THAT issue and you could actually have FUN with IT.

If you really DO struggle with gift selection, know THIS there are plenty of people who really enjoy it. Find someone who enjoys it and ask them to help you. After-all, it is the giving season and if they are gifted at finding great items, perhaps you could stay home and bake some extra cookies for them in exchange for them finding you’re the perfect gift for someone. If you love to bake you get to stay home while hey are out loving to shop?

2. The lack of Business Focus

If you want to keep on task with your business then DO exactly that! The trick of it is letting the other people off the hook.

In the survey, one responder noted how business people tend to ramp down, and fall out of alignment with the business world. Then they waste valuable time getting back into the swing of things after the New Year. This person said they were not a fan of slowing down.

Tell this to a UPS worker, or a retail cashier at Wal-Mart. Slowing down? I think not. People ARE out there moving and shaking at their businesses. It just depends upon what type of business you are in. During the holiday’s you may have to adjust how you conduct your business.

If you are in a business where sales fall off during November and December, it is a great time to get a jump start on your next years tax information gathering. Get organized. Compile and analyze some data. You can work on your forecasts for the upcoming year. Plan campaigns, etc.

One of the BEST ways to grow your business is to network, and create or maintain connections. The holidays are a great time to attend charitable events, functions, and the like to get your business more known. Allow your business to join in the holiday cheer.

Remind yourself daily: YOU cannot control other people, but you can control yourSELF.

Why drive yourSELF crazy at work trying to get people to return calls, remember their appointments, and things of the like? Accept it, send them a greeting card (so they WILL remember you after the holidays) and move on.

Your business is in and of itself an organized system. It has its own brand, a face, an energy separate from YOU. B2B (business to business) relationships need to share in the spirit of the season as well as each of us individually. Your business can offer holiday gift certificates, and you can send out holiday cards in the name of your business to other businesses as well. Sending a potted Poinsettia with your business card attached, as a gift to business you frequent (like to your mechanic or hairstylist) is a great way to plant your seed in the minds of others in places you normally might not gain exposure. Pretty flowers add holiday décor to their business locations.

3. Missing Loved Ones & Saying Goodbyes

Because of a deployment in a military family, an impractical distance to travel, a hospitalization, illness or worse yet death, of loved ones really tugs hard on your heartstrings.

This makes for sentimental memories, bitter-sweet tears of longing to be with a person, and all the wishing things could be different. Guilt can creep in too because you are feeling PRESSURE to be merry. It seems as if others are all having FUN and you are feeling the words bah-humbug come though your lips.

Please don’t make me go on and talk about other feeling that come with guilt…..the shame and disappointment.

My work as a Life Coach had led me from feeling like a down-trodden misfit to working as a “Happiness Expert”. In the course of my study and training I went from seeing mySELF as a sad, unworthy, ho-hum housewife to being a professional in the business of Happiness. I am able to help people and business make more FUN happen– on the path to success, joy and fulfillment. To be HAPPY.

In his book, The Option Method – Unlock Your Happiness With Five Simple Questions, Bruce M. Di Marsico says this about unhappiness:

“Although it may not seem obvious at first, people are actually unhappy because they want or choose to be. They believe they should be. They believe it is good and necessary to be unhappy about their experience of not getting what they want, or what they believe they need, or not being who they believe they should be. This attitude is in effect, the way people choose unhappiness as a feeling.”

You can see here, like I mentioned before, making your insides match your outsides is key to successful living. To being vibrant, lively, thriving and happy is what we all really want. Why not try to believe YOU can have IT?

If you truly have a desire to have fun during the holidays, and are tired of the grieving, longing, wishing, and wanting things to be different. You indeed DO have a choice in the matter. If you truly do not have a desire to have FUN, you will not.

Life Coaches help client solve problems for themselves. If you want to be happy and are having a block of some kind we help you to examine your BELIEFS.

What do you believe about the un-fun….the sadness grief, longing for?

Do you believe families should be together for the holidays, not matter what (or at least try to be?)

If so, any absence of a loved one for any reason can bring you to a state of feeling unhappy.

Why do you hold that belief?

What are you afraid of?

The answers to the above questions are coming from your inside.

Can you think of some ways to make your outside match your inside?

Honor a deceased loved by brining our a old family photo album when doing your tree trimming. Visit the cemetery, if that is something you feel would bring you to a peaceful place. Even if they are not there, still make their favorite dish.

Maybe you travel TO a long distance relatives house, instead of them coming “home“. If “home” is important to you, and it’s a financial reason, then send them plane tix or travel money.

With technology what it is today– we have the Star Trekky ability to send and receive videos, pictures, messages, in real time via Twitter, Face Book and the like. It may be virtual, but virtual is way better than not at all or impossible.

I am teaching my mother about texting– so she can chat with my daughters when they get their phones one day. I sent her pictures of the girls instantly on Halloween, and during their school presentations. Keeping up with communications, and technology can enhance relationships among family members over the miles tremendously. What a gift technology can be!

Isn’t it Hallmark who has those great recorded voice cards? How adorable is it to send grandma a card of the kids signing her favorite carol?! She can open it up whenever she wants to hear their voices. Sure it not actually being there– but it better than it used to be. I think statistically grandma’s really like stuff like that.

Step out of your comfort zone this year, and learn a new way of communicating with a loved one. If you are a tech-no whiz kid, consider a handmade card as a gift a friend. It unique for sure and keep-able. If you are not on Face Book, give it a try on Thanksgiving after the turkey, made reconnect with friends you forgot all about.

Perhaps by taking actions to create a more balance YOU. Accepting some grief and sadness, and doing something– anything about it will allow for you to be merrier than you thought you would be.

4. The Stress of IT

OK I am telling you here and now once again you have the choice!

I happen to believe people often confuse the word stress with the words anticipation and excitement.

Something I learned a while ago that has helped me tremendously is the holidays come EVERY year. We only get about 80 – 100 of them in our lifetime if we are lucky.

Many of us put off all of the associated holiday tasks until its too late to fit it all in.

If your stress is coming from overdoing you will know it by actually PLANNING out your time spent on the various activities. If you have not already found out the dates of your office parties, kids recitals, festivals, and such DO so now! Fill in around with the buying, wrapping, cooking, cleaning. If it all does not fit, then something has GOT to give.

Like I said before, after-all it is the giving season…so GIVE. Give yourSELF permission to miss something, postpone another thing– just do IT with intention. With the intention of Happy Holidays.

If you have trouble prioritizing think about your desire.

What do you want?

You want to have FUN and NOT lose your MIND.

Choose your activities wisely, think about the meaning of the holiday season. BE grateful, take care of yourSELF, first. Plan the gift wrapping time, the decorating time, the cooking time. For goodness sakes when volunteering a dish to pass, pick stuff you know will turn out. Committing to a new recipe is risky and can cause unnecessary stress. Plan ahead, and adjust accordingly. Decide to send out New Year’s Cards instead of Christmas Cards.

Do a Balance and Satisfaction Exercise for the Holidays

In my upcoming workshop: Life Balance and Satisfaction I teach a method of discovering and taking actions to achieve greater satisfaction in your life by creating a balance wheel.

We take 12 areas of LIFE and assign a satisfaction number to each on. We place the rankings on a form where they become spokes of a wheel. If they are not balanced the wheel cannot turn. You life becomes stuck or not easily flowing. Like driving with a flat tire.

In my recent newsletter, Have FUN with IT: I introduced a mini-version of this with instructions. To give it a try get on my mailing list, and get this month’s newsletter. Sign up at http://www.funtobeyou.com/sq

Either one can be tailored toward the holidays.

There are “areas” of the holidays to which you assign a ranking number 1 – 5 or 1 – 10. The higher the number the higher the satisfaction level. The goal is bring your number more into balance. Let go of some of you stronger areas, and focus your activities on creative ways to bring your other levels UP.

Suggested areas

Spiritual connections (your church, club, organization, or other), shopping, business/work, family obligations, social invitations, season’s greetings, cooking, and traditions.

Ask yourSELF, “How satisfied am I with: __________.

If you have been to church “religiously” and are completely satisfied, but have not holiday gift shopping done, for example– you may want to consider gift buying from a church member’s business. You can tend to your connections and shop at the same time, and I am sure your church friend would be grateful for the sale.

Do this exercise when tending to your planner. You will begin to see which areas you can re-arrange for your own well-being, balance and happiness.
I hope this helps all of you to re-frame your holiday thinking and make better choices for youSELF, and BE the best version of yourSELF you can possible be . I hope you can feel better equipped to Have FUN with it Whatever IT –is.

…..Oh yeah and about those ugly sweaters……..like the survey responder suggested for the dry turkey………LOL– pour gravy on it!

Whoops, “looks like I have to put Aunt Sarah’s lovely sweater in the wash!”