Politics, Religions and Sex

I admit it right here in the first paragraph. I am not really going to talk about sex. Too easy, a lob shot. So in this year of presidential hopefuls popping up everywhere, you need to hear my views on politics and religion. Let’s start with religion. rnReligionrnFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:rna set of myths or sacred truths held in reverence or believed by adherents. You will notice that I chose only one definition. My blog, my choice. And the religion? RETAIL. Let’s start with myths of this religion. You will have no trouble finding retail salespeople; your staff will show up for work on time, and they will always be eager to sell and reach goal. Myths? But the definition says held in reverence. Do you believe, sinning managers of the world, that the opposite is true? You see, if you believe that it’s going to be a tough ride, well, it’s going to be a tough ride, mainly because you are not going to do much about these myths. And because retail has done a great job of turning these myths into a weird sort of reality, we have become quite dysfunctional believers. I, my friends, am a true believer. I believe people want to show up for work everyday and do a great job. I believe they start out with high hopes. I believe that achieving goal isn’t difficult if they want to hit goal. I believe this, no question about it. They need a preacher present and accounted for. TruthrnFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:rnThe meaning of the word truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular. Oh, man, I am on a roll. Can you handle the truth? Here it is. Retail has beaten itself to a pulp. The stress, agony, disappointment, blah, blah, blah. (Did I mention the hours?) Well, the real truth is retail is fantastic, and I have always loved it. Big heart-throbbing love. Although my career has taken me away from the floor, nothing ever has been as much fun for me. OK, I might be sharing, but I don’t see happy people on the floor much. It seems like whole organizations agree that it’s difficult or the economy is to blame or alas, heaven above, most retailers’ service stinks. You could win this race, baby. Salespeople don’t seem to get along together and generally treat customers with indifference; managers are walking stress machines. Oh, the humanity. Give me a break. And don’t forget a district manager will be visiting today to confirm you are doing it all wrong. They even have reports. Can you imagine you are still getting report cards? You sell jewelry or furniture or, are you ready, shoes. I am on the floor laughing my tail off. Here is why. People want what you sell. They got in their car or bus or train and made it all the way into your store. They have money or credit and love to spend it. They have to spend it. It’s what they do. And they enter the store to meet a salesperson on a cell phone making a date. Or they encounter a group of salespeople staring them down, and one breaks away because they’re up. Someone have mercy on my soul. Let me get this straight. Random people come to you with money, wanting your stuff, and this is not a dream??? It’s a job? When people come to me with money, I get religious. I’m appreciative, happy, delighted, and honestly thankful to the heavens. I get to do my thing. I get to be helpful, pass on some knowledge about my stuff, and make these strangers my friends, and, for goodness sakes, I can even make their day better. Therapists don’t even make people’s day better; retail salespeople can, however. I am preaching to you; do you hear me? For goodness sake, lighten up. Zig Ziglar said to the effect that if you help people get what they want, you will get what you want. Hallelujah! I want to talk more truth about this gig called retail. On the sales side, all you need is some enthusiasm. (OK, maybe a little more; I don’t want to stop selling books.) Rookies prove this all the time by outselling old-timers. They believe. Then the old-timers reel them in like a trout on a fly. “Hey, youngster, slow down; you’ll burn yourself out.” Don’t believe. And the rookie slows, and all is well. And it’s a slothy floor with a slothy manager and a slothy district manager and a slothy regional. I’m sure you get the idea. A virtual sloth fest. I say, “Repent!” Get happy. Get on the floor and show those salespeople how to have a ball; make sales and money, and life will be better. Believe again. By the way, you didn’t think I was going to talk politics, did you? Frankly, I should run for prez. I’m not sure I would pass the background test though. You see, I’m a retailer.