***Positive Image—Its Repercussions in the Real World

"I'm not happy," she said. "I'm not prosperous. And all my friends are." She was in distress, was very upset. She presented no specific problem, just a very black mood. Hmmm. I knew I had talked to her before. I could not remember anything specific from the one short session she had had with me. She asked no question, so I asked her 'Why do you think your friends are all so happy? Why do you think they are all doing so well financially?'

Pause. Long pause. "Because they tell me that. And they are having such a good life. They have really nice clothes, they drive really nice cars." Voice is thin and distant now.

'Are you not as well dressed as they?' "No, I dress just like they do." 'Do you drive a similar kind of car as they?' "Sure, I have an Acura. It's just a year old."

'But you say their life is better and they are more prosperous. Why do you think they are so prosperous?' "Oh, they say they are. You know. They go on cruises on their time off."

I think I got it, by golly, I thought to myself. 'And when they say that, what do you say to them?' "Well of course I tell them I am doing so well. I tell them I go upstate to my uncle's estate." There was no uncle and no estate.
'Do you suppose what they told you was as dressed-up as what you told them?' You told them you were happy; they told you they were happy. They told you they were doing well financially, and you told them you were doing well too. Who is to say how much of that is true?'

This was truly news to her at that moment, in the mood she was in. It actually occurred to me I might be talking to someone who is sleepwalking.

Something told me to go in for the big splash. I told her 'Life is supposed to suck and we are supposed to make the best of it. If you are happy for more than a little while, you're missing something, you probably don't know what is going on. Whatever happiness any of us have, we make ourselves, and we have to work at it. That's life.' I suggested she have a heart-to-heart with these coworkers and friends, and she would find their lives were pretty much like hers, that they were projecting an image the same as she was. I reassured her this would be the case. Good-night. End of session.

The next morning, she called me and said "You talked me down from the ledge last night. You are really good. You said what I needed to hear. I was standing on the 10-inch ledge outside the window of my apartment, ready to jump. I had my cell phone. I just remembered your catchy phone number. DID YOU KNOW THAT?" I admitted I didn't know, replaying the conversation of that evening in my head. Subconsciously, I had sensed this? I remembered the sound of wind.

When we all project an image of our lives that is only the positive side, we are part of a conspiracy that distorts each other's reality. Projecting "I'm fine today" is generally a good thing, but like everything else, at some point too much of that good thing becomes competitive and crushes vulnerable individuals. Yes, she was probably a clinically depressed person, or maybe had taken the wrong pill: So what? People around you and me every day are in that boat too.

I suggest a truce in the positive image war: that we also show that, yes, we are struggling too.