There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know we please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Many times we may take for granted the person who is most close to us, our intimate partner. We treat colleague’s employees, friend’s, and acquaintances with all due respect, and sometimes take for granted the person who is most caring of our heart, and our well-being.

Many times this is not done intentionally; it is just that one tends to feel most relaxed and comfortable with their partner, that they feel safe letting their guard down. That is fabulous, it is only when you start becoming lazy with the needs of nurturing the relationship, and you start taking advantage of the other’s kindness and caring that you may run into trouble. When you stop hearing and caring about your partner’s needs and wants, trouble can then begin to surface.

It is easy for this to happen, as life can get very busy, and it is often those closest to us that feel it the most, they are also most likely short-changed when we are pressed or rushed with work-related chores, or other things that may be taking our time. Also, if one partner is going through a change of routine, or a change of life situations, it is easy for a lack of communication and disagreements to begin surfacing in the relationship.

If you don’t nib these issues in the bud early on, resentment then begins to grow, and it escalates into a very unhappy existence between the two, who in the past had the capacity to grow a very strong, loving, empowering connection. One that would help each of you to become power partner’s together and separately, one that would nurture, care and create a lasting relationship based on the foundation of love, trust and deep caring for the other person’s happiness and success in life.

Working together is extremely important in order for your relationship to deepen and grow. If you work with your partner when each of you are in your separate life transitions and change and grow together, while always keeping the trust, and the doors of communication open, you will then help the relationship develop into the strong one it has the potential to become.

The problem is, that most of the time in the mist of our busyness, we forget to nurture and care for the relationship, as well as push it’s needs aside. By the time we are aware of the damage done, it may be to late.

So what steps can you take to prevent this from happening? Or, possibly reversing the damage, if the relationship was strong enough. The easiest and simplest way, is to always remember to not take your relationship for granted. With that being said, let’s look at some other steps that can help.

1- Love--Always remember that love is not enough to keep a relationship strong, and moving full stream ahead. It takes connection and caring for a thriving relationship.
2- Respect--You need to have respect for your partner. You need to hear what they say. You do not always have to agree, but you do need to respect their thoughts, ideas and viewpoints. You cannot change anyone, nor should you want to. It will not work if that is the case.

3- Trust--This is most important. There needs to be a basic foundation of trust towards each other in order to feel comfortable showing your true colors, as well as expressing what needs to be expressed. You should not have to worry that they will leave if they don’t agree with something. If something needs to be addressed and worked out in the relationship, you should feel comfortable with having the knowledge and a level of trust with your partner, that if anything is ever really wrong in the relationship, you have an agreement with your partner that they will come to you to express it, not to other’s. It is important to know that any major decisions about the wellbeing, or not, of your union will be made together, just as the relationship was started together. You will want to know that your partner respects and cares for you enough to make all-important decisions about the relationship with you, not behind your back. Sometimes one partner may seeks advice, comfort, etc in someone outside the relationship, unfortunately this harms the relationship, as the other person is not in the relationship, and cannot possibly know all the intimacies, issues, etc in it.

4- Communication—What can I say, this is a given. You cannot possibly have a healthy relationship without good, open and honest communication from both sides. This also means hearing and caring about what your partner is saying, and if you don’t agree with it, you work on a solution together, you don’t leave the conversation forever without making any changes to the issue of disagreement that was at hand. Sometimes one partner may say, let’s talk about this time, yes you can, if you both really set a time and talk about it and then work towards a solution. If a partner says this to move away from the issue, without really wanting to come to a workable, or at least an agreement, it can be very harmful to the relationship. You simply cannot survive if one partner does not care to work on an issue at hand that is causing stress in the relationship. You don’t have to agree to do something you don’t want to, but you cannot skirt around an issue, and never come to an agreement. If you do this, you are only setting the relationship up for failure.

5- Adaptability- Hey, life and people constantly change. You need to change both together and separately, while having the power to keep your togetherness strong and thriving.

6- Strength- You need to be able to grow and face the fears and challenges and roadblocks that come into any relationship from time to time. Have the courage and faith and love to get through things together, it can only make you stronger. I am not talking here of something that is a major threat to your life, however no relationship runs smooth forever. It is important to have the foundation to get through the tough times together that is what makes the relationship something to cherish.

7- Time- take the time no matter how busy each of you are to connect to each other, share your joy and share your worry. That is one of the best things about being in a healthy relationship; you always have your partner, who you love, trust and can share things with. Hopefully someone that will not judge just be there for you when you need him or her to be. Or if they do sometimes judge, they are aware that, that is what they are doing, and they let it go and focus on all the good things they love about you.

So there you have it. An outline to honor your intimate relationship. Tweak it to your liking, add your needs, values and what is most important to you, and begin incorporating it into your relationship. Remember this close relationship is a precious gift to both people involved, and sometimes all the other clutter in our lives makes one overlook this. Don’t overlook it, it is too important to overlook if you really cherish it.

©2009 Lori Snyder

Author's Bio: 

Lori Snyder partners with people who are ready to begin moving their lives in a forward direction. I believe that each person hold within them powerful inner strength, that when tapped into, can help them to create positive results towards making their lives an extraordinary one.

Lori is a certified Life coach, she is also a successful speaker, writer, workshop facilitator and entrepreneur.

Lori can be reached at or 516 708-9261 Please feel free to go to Lori's website at for her complementary six week e-course "Secrets of Confidence".