Prodigals: Components of a Healthy Parent to Adult-Child Relationship

Are you wondering what your relationship should be like with your adult child? When you raise your minor children, you focus on training, discipline, and obedience. When your child becomes an adult, the relationship between you changes. If your child is a prodigal because he/she is doing things you feel aren't good or is more estranged from you then you would like, your focus is probably on what you would like to see changed. Even if your child isn't living like you want, you can strive to have these components of a healthy parent to adult-child relationship:

• Mutual Respect - Both have respect for each other and treat each other in a way that values and honors each other and respects each other's boundaries.
• Autonomy and Independence - Both have the ability to act according to their convictions, beliefs, likes, needs, wants, and goals.
• Self-examination - Both know themselves and their strengths and weaknesses and can self-examine to identify faults.
• Influence - Both speak and act in a way that seeks to exert positive influence on the other person without being controlling.
• Care/Interest - Both care about and are interested in each other as people and demonstrate that caring in their actions.
• Relationship/Companionship - Even though you will always be "the parent," when you are both adults, there is a shift toward enjoying each other's company mutually.
• Communication - Both have the ability to communicate about problems, solve problems, and speak and hear the truth in love.
• Acceptance - A mature relationship comes to a place of mutual acceptance where both overlook the things they don't like and choose instead to offer unconditional love and acceptance.

When your adult child comes to you and asks for help, it changes the relationship and puts you into a parenting role where you think you should be able to have more control. It is best to help your adult child as you would help another adult. Decide what you are willing to do and under what conditions, accepting who your child is, then give it without controlling and intervening. This gives in a way that acknowledges your child's independence. God treats us as individuals who have the freedom to make our own choices. He seeks to influence but not control. He enjoys a relationship with us. He accepts us as we are, cares about us, and speaks openly and truthfully to us. He allows us to learn from our mistakes and to grow at our own pace. We can model our relationship with our adult children after God's with us.