Prude Body, Horny Soul

"I loved your book*," my friend told me as we walked the streets of NY before my launch party last week. I was stoked and said, "Awesome! High five?!" while holding out my hand. "I don't do high fives," she responded. I'd never heard such a thing. That's almost as bad as hearing another say, "I hate Bob Marley" or... "Actually I'm a man." After a cool down period, I asked, "Why no high fives?" It turns out that she was scarred by an ex-boyfriend who could not come to climax during sex unless she continuously high-fived him throughout. How could you blame her? After further recollection, I've come to realize that many people I know have complained of their partners' or ex-partners' strange sexual fetishes. From nipple-biting to asparagus-feathering to paddle-slapping, human beings can be dirty, raw creatures. If it's not you, it's your neighbor. And if it's not your neighbor, it's your friend...usually the guy with the moose knuckle. ** Why do so many resort to such odd behavior? Let's face it. We have a weird relationship with touch that begins from the time we are born. As babies in the womb, we are surrounded by the warm amniotic fluid, the soothing beat of the heart, the loving vibrations of the mother's energy. In some indigenous cultures, upon entering the world, a baby remains in skin-to-skin contact with the mother for up to 90% of the time during the first months of life. *** But in Western culture, babies spend much of their time in the stroller, car seat, or crib...removed from the touch to which they grow accustomed in the womb. It only gets worse as we get older. When's the last time you received a loving touch whether from a spouse, child, pooch, or friend? Even when clothed in luxurious garments and the finest jewels, a touch-deprived soul thirsts as desperately for nourishment as a starving man caked in squalor. As we're all learning oh so clearly, desperate times call for desperate measures. High five?! *My book is now available for your reading "pleasure." **For more on "moose knuckle," click here. ***Inspired by A Natural History of the Senses