Putting Your Love House In Order

There are social etiquette rules and guiding principles in our society. For some reason, one of them that is never taught successfully is, Love Yourself Before You Love Anyone Else. Well, this is why you should.

Instead of learning why and how it is important to love yourself, most parents taught their children to ‘not be so full of themselves’ or made statements like ‘it is impolite to brag’ - to be egotistical or narcissistic. Some feel it is shameful or bad, interpreting self-love as conceit – an inflated sense of pride. Some have even called pride one of the seven Cardinal sins. Yet, we say that being proud of yourself and loving oneself is good!

To be proud of oneself or to be proud of one’s children is integral to how we learn and grow. Pride results from the same positive feedback that our brain uses when we have gotten pleasant results from a sensory interaction. Didn’t our parents or teachers positively encourage us as children when we were learning to walk, to ride a bicycle, or to write our names in cursive? With learning any skill, weren’t we encouraged and reinforced to be good at certain behaviours? Our pride is the feeling of our accomplishments. So, why should anyone feel bad about feeling good and achieving something? To us, it is wrong. To feel guilt or shame must have been taught, as no child is born with guilt or shame. Just ask any child psychologist. So, why is pride is something to be avoided or unacceptable?

Vanity can be defined as ‘empty or lacking substance’. But, the human soul itself is not empty or lacking substance. It is real. Yet, until scientists can define, weigh, and measure a human soul there will forever be the debate about its existence. In the meantime, to us, the soul or spirit of an person is simply an extension of an eternal God. And as such, every individual soul hidden beneath its illusory guise as a unique human being deserves its measure of exalted admiration in its pursuit of joyful expression. However, some say that the terrible human ego is the aspect that boasts of prideful self-importance. We contend that the physical body, as it is aware of its inevitable death, is what is drives the individual to be self-concerned, self-important, and self-preserving to keep up its ego identity. But, the ego does not do this out of love, it does so out of fear of its own eventual demise. A child who joyfully creates by self-painting with mum’s makeup or who writes on the walls with crayons, with blatant lack of awareness of breaking any parental or societal ‘rules’, does so from the pursuit of joyful expression of his or her soul. And, it is that same soulful expression that is proud of its accomplishments. It is our view that most are unaware that God too is not only proud of our achievements, but the inspirational driving force of those achievements.

Furthermore, it is our understanding from studying the text, A Course in Miracles, that God requires us to heal our selves and to love our selves by forgiving all others. ACIM asserts that to heal our disordered perceptions of ourselves, and modern psychologists agree we project onto others – that is, like the Talmud reveals: we see others not as they are but as we are – we must forgive others to heal and love ourselves.

So, why and how should we love ourselves? First, be proud of yourself and love all that you are and all that you do. Your own self-pride is evidence – a demonstration of your own personal alignment with who and what you are. If you are not feeling proud of you, then your feelings are evidence of a lack of alignment with you and your decisions. Incidentally, hindsight, while often used to decide right from wrong, unfortunately offers potential guilt and shame when reflecting on our choices. To us, hindsight is largely a worthless game to pursue. The impressive potential benefit from hindsight is insight – insight into what we choose to forgive about others and ourselves, and obviously, what we prefer now and for the future. After all, life is about enjoying growth and variety and we need to be in alignment with our choices. We need to be proud of who and what we are. Because, if we are not, then not only do we negatively affect those around us, causing a potential ripple-effect of misery begets misery, but we draw to us more of the same according to the law of attraction.

Let us consider an example: if Jill does not love who and what she is and is not proud of herself, then what Jill radiates is her inner distress. Her vibration is out of alignment with who Jill wishes/prefers to be. Simultaneously, those around Jill who are similar to Jill’s dissatisfaction-vibration are attracted to it; "misery loves company." Those who are not attracted to what Jill radiates are repelled by her vibration. Therefore, Jill would be attracting and bringing more misery upon herself, and because she is out of alignment with who she wishes to be, she is not attracting to herself those with whom Jill is most alike. That is, she won’t be much of joyous family member or friend, let alone a vibrational love interest to a partner. Let’s give Jill a potential partner, John. He has his own vibration – his own wants, desires, and needs. Even if John is a good physical, emotional, and vibrational love match to Jill, he may not even be attracted to Jill because of her current vibration.

You must love yourself and be proud of who you are, all the while vibrating to the true essence of you, thereby attracting to you all that you love, deserve, and “match." And, that requires that you love all of you and that you are truthful with yourself, but moreover, truthful to those around you, so that you clearly tell the world what you prefer and do not prefer. Others will love you and hate you just because you exist. Actually, others do that independently of our desires anyway.

Do not try to be someone you are not … unless you are willing to feel out of alignment to you. There is no one else who is an expert at being you, except you. So you might as well get on with loving you, being proud and feeling worthy!

Pursue the following steps when putting your love house in order:

* Stop trying to be like someone else. Just be you.
* Figure out who you are by what you love. What do you love and hate? Everyone prefers something. Stop judging your preferences as good or bad.
* Take note of your accomplishments and be proud. Even if someone helped you, you are the one who did what you did. Surely, you can be proud of something that you have, are, or will be.
* Forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive others for theirs. Heal and be healed. Stop wasting opportunities. Get on with loving life – NOW!
* Be kind to yourself! Make a promise to never talk bad to yourself about your mistakes or seeming ‘failures’. You can’t change the past and habitual worrying about the future is pointless. Think of all the upcoming wonderful people who express and share your good opinion about you.
* Be true to you. Everyday aim to tell everyone your truths of who you are, what you love and do not prefer.
* NEVER LIE TO ANYONE OR YOURSELF! Watch out for little white lies and sarcasm, as they are repeatedly announcing your agreement with the things that you disagree with. Simultaneously, allow others to also have his or her preferences, even if they disagree with yours. You can always “mean what you say and say what you mean”, but you don’t have to be mean when you say it. If someone is not in alignment to you, consider if they are still worthy of your time. Maybe they are or maybe it is time for you or them to move on. This is the essence of vibrating to you! If they do not “like” the fully truthful you that they are experiencing, let them choose someone else with whom their vibrations match.
* Always love you, before and regardless of or if and when you love others.

With the above practices and understanding you will have your love house in order and be more productive, having more joy in your life. Interestingly, at the highest level of love, one abandons needing love FROM others – as that is externalized love. To externalize love weakens you, to internalize love strengthens you. Love when automatically self-renewing makes a person really strong in who they are. To us, that makes people so much more attractive and fun to be around. As American author and motivational speaker Les Brown once said, “You are the only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life.”