Quiet Desperation

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." - Henry David Thoreau

Bullying, Mobbing, Violence:
Are we hacking away at the branches or getting to the root?

This problem must be addressed with more than bullying prevention or character education programs. We must change our existing culture from one of quiet desperation to one of dignity and respect

Just because a person is not physically beaten up, does not mean they are not beaten up inside.
Many do not retaliate when they are tormented, left out, isolated, or humiliated.
Most do not bring a knife or gun to school or to work.
Many do not seek counseling.

Some pray a lot for help and understanding.

One student's parents forced her to go to school when she tried to miss the school bus, complained of a stomachache or attempted other ways to escape. She often cried herself to sleep but did not confide in her parents. She felt ashamed, confused, and did not know what questions to ask or what to say.

This girl was a good student. She participated in choir, after school clubs, and had a part in the school play. She did volunteer work in the community and regularly attended church functions. She had a nice home and a good family. They knew she was having problems at school but never talked to her openly about them. They did not know what questions to ask or what to say.

She thought once or twice about killing herself but did not act upon those thoughts. A few of the teachers seemed to know what was going on. A few of them made sure she got open recognition and attention for her schoolwork. They always greeted her warmly and openly along with the rest of the students.

Those same teachers were generally kind, courteous, dignified and respectful in their communications. Their classes reflected that demeanor. In their classes, no one bothered this student. It seemed to her as if everyone understood that this type of behavior was not done in that class. The teachers seemed to set the tone. It helped.

It is interesting that there was another type of class in which the students refrained from their abusive behavior. The teacher in that class was a bully and picked especially on this student.

There are more students that fall into this category than there are students who act out or who are obviously in trouble. There are students who, unlike this student, retreat and do not participate in activities. Many students as well as adults are living lives of quiet desperation.

Simple dignity and respect can create a climate in which both students and adults can flourish. This is an environment in which human value is honored even when unacceptable behavior must be addressed. In our throwaway society, some have come to believe that there is such a thing as a throwaway human being. That may be part of the root cause of some of the outcomes that we see.

We immediately notice and take action when someone is beaten up. Most of us know how to treat a physical bump, bruise, sprain, strain, or a broken limb. Too often we ignore or do not notice when someone is beaten down. When confronted with how to treat a bruised heart or a broken spirit, we must first acknowledge that the injury is there.

We live in complicated times, but the solutions to some of the problems we face do not have to be complicated. Dignity and Respect is a simple solution to complicated issues, although it is not always easy to do. It takes insight, awareness, and paying attention to what is going on around us. It requires us to take a stand for what we believe to be true and to be an outer representation of the values we cherish.nn ©2007 Gail Pursell Elliott All rights reserved.