Yes, selfish. Did I startle you? I hope that doesn’t seem like a shocking concept. It almost sounds like I’m totally advocating for you to help yourself as much if not more than you help others. Well, I am. Now before you go rejecting the very thought and getting upset that I told you to be selfish, let me tell you why I’m telling you to be selfish. I know it’s uncomfortable to think about. I’ll give you a minute to finish reacting to that word before I give you 3 reasons to selfishly help yourself the way you help others. Just breathe and hear me out.

1. You Do Wonderful And Amazing Things For Others

You are the helper. You are the go to person. You are the problem solver’s problem solver. You bend over backwards to do anything you can to help everyone you meet along the road. You would and probably have given your last dime or the last 5 minutes of your time to help someone who really needed it. You are on every committee, you are giving to every cause, you have a list of people who call you when they need something. You probably have no real concept of how important you are to so many different people in so many different ways. We absolutely love you for who you are and what you do!

There is nothing wrong with being a giving person. It’s a beautiful thing to have a big heart filled with compassion and empathy for others. You really love the way people light up when you do thoughtful things for them to show them how much they are loved and appreciated. That was all the thanks you ever needed. Yeah, that’s what you tell yourself anyway. You take pride in going the extra mile to make things nice and comfortable for the people and causes you care about. There is nothing you would not do for someone you thought you could help.

I’m just saying that if there was anyone in the world that deserves that level of love and support, why couldn’t you be that person? What would happen if you allowed yourself to start doing wonderful and amazing things for yourself?

2. You Don’t Do Wonderful Or Amazing Things For Anyone

If you really are selfish and uncaring, it would be fantastic for you to see how it feels to be treated that way. Help yourself exactly the way you help others. Perhaps experiencing the how you make others feel will give you enough pause to reflect on what you can do differently.

I had to put that reason in there because I know you were looking for it. However, I suspect, you are more likely to be discounting the things you are doing for people. Why, because you are still reading this message looking for a reason not to help others the way you help yourself. Aren’t you? It’s okay. Listen, taking 30 minutes to sit down and eat a healthy meal in peace when you have been running non stop is not selfish or uncaring. It’s necessary. Asking the people who call you to do everything to find someone else to do it this time because you are physically and emotionally exhausted from all that you do is not selfish or uncaring. Anything people are thanking you for that you brush off as what you aught to do anyway, counts toward that helping people thing.

3. You Can Do More When You Take Of Yourself

The truth is, being a generous loving person makes your heart sing. Except when it doesn’t. You live for helping others, even when they don’t fully appreciate the mountains you moved to make them smile. I won’t tell anyone that there are times when you feel guilty because you resent the people in your life that take and take and take and never seem to want to give anything back. Shhh. That stays here between you and me. There are days when you feel like you are surrounded by vampires sucking the life and energy out of you without hesitation. Actually, I’ve seen your facebook rants. Yeah, you needed a minute because giving is hard work and self care is important to you. Being a giver doesn’t make you any less human or deserving of appreciation.

Yes, I know that you go the extra mile because it’s the right thing to do not for any thanks or acknowledgement. And yet, who says you don’t deserve to have as much support and love as you are giving? What makes them more deserving of the best you have to offer than the one who is actually offering it?

Think of it this way: Imagine how much more you could do for others if you could stay in a space of energy, joy, and peace as you help others? How much more enthusiasm could you muster around your cause if your most basic needs for appreciation and support were consistently met? What is the difference between your level of joy helping others when you are refreshed and happy verses burned out and resentful? Take care of you. If for no other reason because we need you to be out there giving, loving, and supporting the way you do. You are inspiring people you may not see to step up and give. You are encouraging people who haven’t realized they needed it to keep moving another day.

The truth is, when you selfishly give to your own self care and support, it only expands your capacity to help others. It’s selfish and yet it’s absolutely altruistic. When you are selfish, because of your loving nature, your own capacity for giving is increased. Your ability to see the need in others is sharpened because you are rested and focused. Your heart is more open to helping in a greater way – honoring love, the people you helping, as well as yourself.

We need you to be selfish because we need you here doing what you love doing. Everyone benefits from you being selfish enough to help yourself the way you help others!

What do you think? Could you be more selfish and practice greater self care? Does it disturb you to think of taking time and space for yourself? What would be the toughest part of selfishly helping yourself the way you help others?

Author's Bio: 

Adrienne, the Soul Power Coach™ is a Speaker and Coach for highly creative problems solvers and entrepreneurs who struggle with procrastination, doubts, fears, over-thinking, good excuses, and stubbornness. Adrienne knows exactly how to confidentially coach Helpers who get overwhelmed being there for everyone else, but are uncomfortable being helped. The Soul Power Coach™ has practical tools for the accomplished, respected, workaholic feeling isolated and frustrated because the people around them are behaving badly, or they just want life to be more fun. Clients come to the Soul Power Coach™ needing more focus, organization, consistency, and courage to move even the most impossible obstacles out of the way and feel more unspeakable joy. Adrienne has several ways to work herself out of a job by showing clients how to access their own Soul Power immediately and more consistently. Take the 30 Second Soul Power Challenge & get $275 of do-it-yourself coaching tools free at