Recognizing Your Children's Needs

Parenting through the divorce process can become even more challenging for parents because of the emotional process parents themselves are experiencing. Parental support at this critical time can be the most powerful buffer from the severe stress during a time when children usually feel rejected, abandoned, and hurt. During this stressful period, parents may feel overwhelmed with their own stress and emotions; however, it is crucial for parents to recognize their children's needs. It is important for parents to help children understand that the loss is that of the current family structure. The parental roles will continue after the family structure is altered. The duration of children's difficulty usually coincides with the turmoil taking place in the family. Problems begin to fade as parents regain their own emotional stability and are able to provide more nurturance and support. It is vital that parents recognize the ongoing parental role before, during and after the termination of the marriage. In general, if problem behavior is present, it is likely to continue for at least 18 months following separation. The process is easier for children who were well adjusted before the divorce. Avoid conflict with the former spouse as much as possible. Continued conflict between parents is the most harmful aspect of a divorce and the most detrimental to the children.nn