Regain Your Inner Core By Working On Core Issues

Regain Your Inner Core By Working On Core Issues

The concept of family goes back to the beginning of time. It’s the traditional social system that shapes our inter-personal dynamics and provides the working model for the story we create about ourselves. Of course, we’ve all been children at one time, and have all had our own child-rearing experience. Our parents and caregivers were the figures that have imparted their beliefs that for the children became internalized as early self-messages, be they willingly or not. It’s just the way that all children learn about life.

During instances when parents unwittingly convey shame messages, they typically go unquestioned and consequently internalized during early stages of development because of the child’s impressionable vulnerability. This produces an enduring inner disturbance that may eventually erupt as self-doubt, alienation, loneliness, anxiety, paranoia, compulsive behaviors, narcissism or feelings of inferiority and splitting.

Many of us are aware of the clear distinction between shame and guilt, though perhaps some have not given much though about it. Guilt is about something that one has done/ or not done, when a mistake of some kind was made; whereas on the other hand, shame speaks directly to the inner essence of the individual that implies that the individual him/or herself has something inherently wrong with them. The former makes direct reference about the behavior, whereas the later refers to the self worth of the person, their inner core and being.

The reason that this is self -informing is because the shame -based self becomes an underlying constancy matrix that impacts the quality of all other relationships that one has. This is the premise that constitutes the makings for codependency. One might think of it in some way as the remains that cast a dark gloomy shadow around the natural aura of one’s soul that numb one’s feelings and constrict one’s behavior. This is what hinders ones ability to engage in self -trusting, self-expressive healthy interactions based on honesty of feelings, compassion and mutual respect.

To truly understand co-dependency, we need to recognize that the core beliefs that we hold today are not completely conscious to us since they have been developed as a result of our earliest experience. When considering who we are today, it’s helpful to recognize that core beliefs come from the way, we as children were parented that became inherently familiarized as so called “normal” regardless of the unintended effects. The fact that Self Conceptions are formed well before they can be verbally expressed explains that they were experientially formed at a body/ and pre-conscious /and or unconscious level.

The crux of the issue is that it becomes a matter of false perception versus a matter of a false self. When the core-self is experienced as either flawed or lacking, it thereby becomes more painful to experience this false perception than it is to compensate with a protective false- self. While understanding the dynamics of how this happens doesn’t change the fact that it does happen; we can realize that it’s never too late to do the working through on the core issue. Each moment of truth-finding is its own momentum of progress itself. We would be doing a huge disservice to all if we ignored codependent symptomatology. An unhealthy collective denial due to the additive impact of not speaking truthfully as deemed necessary would effect higher systems levels compromising the integrity of community.

We can be sure that multi-generational influences insidiously play their part in all families. Of course we know that many of these influences can be good and impart family tradition or knowledge; though sometimes, in subtle ways coercive behaviors occur through implicit expectations and unspoken rules that remain unchallenged. Although these characteristic patterns influence us as children by molding our core beliefs, some of which are fear-based or shame based, we can become more aware of them if we do the necessary inner- child transformational work. Internalized shame must be externalized for healing to occur.

Emotional catharsis, supportive expression and practicing self-accountability such as doing a self-inventory of thoughts and actions through a personal , behavioral-log and other expressive modalities helps to self observe and to access self knowledge in order to make necessary positive change. Your own self –insight and/or professional therapy has the potential to uncover aspects of reactiveness that stem from triggers that were created beyond the known scope of influence. As adults we are always able to choose to work through these dysfunctional core beliefs and replace them with constructive, adaptive ones.

Regaining oneself through ‘The Five Freedoms’ is each person’s natural endowment. It enables the individual to express full self-esteem, promote self-integration and generate positive energy flow for healing and growth. Virgina Satir’s Five Freedoms are noted by Author John Bradshaw in his book entitled Bradshaw On: The Family, A New Way Of Creating Solid Self Esteem (p. 53, 1996). They include the freedom to perceive what is here and now, to think what one thinks, to feel what one feels, to ask for what one wants without permission and the freedom to take risks instead playing it safe. As you practice and master these freedoms, a natural individuation process occurs. Your journey towards self-actualization can heal a shame-based image.

As you rediscover the truth of your Inner Core, you'll learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.