Surviving infidelity is a touchy subject in any relationship that has experienced it - and many women seek relationship advice in order to deal with this heart and deal breaking occurrence. Whether or not the infidelity is a physical affair, a breach of trust or an emotional affair, the devastation and hurt will sunder hearts and trust with equal force and brutality.

Recently, one of my readers wrote in to me, seeking relationship advice for her situation, where her significant other is being unfaithful by putting himself up on a dating site while they were, in what was assumed to be, an exclusive relationship. While this reader may herself be surviving infidelity, it is obvious that her relationship will not.

Anne writes:

Dear Sarah -

How do I break up with a guy that I have been dating for 4 months? [I want to break up with him because] he lies to me; he is on a dating site and even put a picture that I took of him and put it on the site. I have a gut feeling that he is out with someone new right now. So what do I do?



My response to Anne –

First of all, Anne, please let me express my sorrow and give you a virtual hug. surviving infidelity is hard, no matter how young your relationship may be. From your email, I cannot tell whether the affair you are relating is an emotional affair or a physical affair, but in reality, it does not matter other than the fact that if it was a physical affair he had and you were intimate with him, you will want to visit your doctor and get yourself checked out to make sure you are healthy.

It is obvious that the affair your boyfriend has had has devastated your relationship, and if you have decided to leave him, then go for it. I suggest that you do it very simply, without drama or incident. You need to tell him in a calm, cool manner that you see that he is not upholding his end of your relationship requirements, and that due to that fact, you can no longer trust him, and therefore your relationship is over. To add a bit of “friendly finality” to that, I would simply shake his hand, tell him you will see him around, and walk away. Do not demand explanations, justice or apologies because if you are moving on without him, you do not need those things from him as a strong and independent woman.

As you move into upcoming relationships, though, please do not expect this behavior from all men. The actions of one do not necessarily define the actions of all! I would, though, recommend a slightly different strategy for you, though, especially as a woman who is surviving infidelity.

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Rori Raye suggests in her eBook, Have The Relationship You Want (as well as in all of her programs) that women avoid the “exclusivity trap” and date as many men as possible, until she finds a man who is ready to make THE commitment to her. Rori Raye suggests this for several reasons (and I will try to keep them brief!)…

• Attraction – refusing to commit to a man and dating other men keeps the attraction alive and cooking. DO NOT BE INTIMATE with them until you have the commitment you want, but until YOU HAVE that commitment, do not quit dating other men.

• Diversity – in order to get what YOU want, you need to shop around. You don’t walk into a store and pick out the first shirt off the rack, throw it on the cashier’s table and check out. You try it on. You try on several – and then you make a decision. How much more so should you shop around for a commitment that is supposed to last the rest of your life?

• Value – You are a hot commodity. In order for value to be perceived with most things, scarcity has to be implied. If he is going to really value you, he HAS to understand that he is lucky to have the time with you that he does, and that when and if you choose to give him all your time, you are bestowing a gift upon him that he better cherish.

So please, Anne, know that you will come out stronger for surviving infidelity, whether this was an emotional affair or a physical affair. Take Rori Raye’s advice and shop around before you decide to buy next time, and have a healthier, happier relationship for it. Remember to educate yourself about other relationship mistakes by visiting the Rori Raye section of my website.

Author's Bio: 

Sarah Michaels is a dating and relationship expert, bringing diverse and educated relationship advice to women all over the world. Visit her blog here: to ask dating and relationship advice questions, and get answers!