Relationships: Can A Man Have The Need To Save Women If His Mother Was Abused By His Father?

Right now, a man could spend time with a woman who is with a man who is mistreating her. When they get together, they may or may not get affectionate and have sex, but he can spend a lot of time listening to her and being supportive.

He can often tell her that she doesn’t deserve to be treated in this way and needs to leave him or words to that effect. Then again, he can just be there for her and not encourage her to do anything in particular.

One Focus

When he isn’t around her, he can spend a lot of time thinking about her and what she is going through. What he can also do is think about what he can do to free her from what she is going through.

In addition to talking to friends and asking for their advice, he could spend time online looking into what approaches are available. As a result, other areas of his life might have started to be ignored.

A pattern

This might have been the first time that he has been in this position; then again, he might have been in this position before. However, if he has, thanks to how caught up he is with this woman, he might not think about this.

But, if he does, he could just think about this is what a lot of men are like and that it is his duty to help women like this. When he thinks about the man that she is with and the men who are like this, he could be filled with anger, rage and hate.

A Fantasy

He could have moments when he imagines beating these men up or sees them being put in prison for life. After this, he could feel relieved and believe that justice had finally been served.

At other moments, he could be filled with guilt and shame, due to not doing more about what is going on. This can be a time when he will feel helpless and hopeless.

One Scenario

Anyway, although he has been spending time with this woman for a while, she might not want to leave her abusive partner. He could then wonder what was going on and even feel angry.

Consequently, he could end up confronting her partner and making it clear that how he is behaving is not acceptable. Her partner could deny that he is abusive, and they might even get into a fight.

The outcome

After this, the woman could end up criticising him for what took place and making it clear that she doesn’t want to see him again. He will then have been trying to help her but will be treated as though he was trying to undermine her.

Once the dust has settled, he can wonder why she behaved in this way and can’t see that he was trying to help her. In addition to feeling confused, he can feel let down and betrayed.

The next Stage

Now, regardless of whether he has just been in this position, after trying to save women who are being abused by men for however long, he can step back and reflect on his life. He can wonder why he is continually drawn to women who are with men who are abusive.

He can wonder why he can’t just be drawn to women who are not only not being abused but who are physically and emotionally unavailable. As confusing as this will be, there is a chance that he is unconsciously trying to meet the needs that were not met during his formative years.

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of his life that was anything but nurturing, with it being a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Throughout this stage of his life, his mother might have been abused by his father.

Instead of being brought up in an environment where he felt safe and secure, and felt wanted, valued and loved, he would have been brought up in an environment where he felt unsafe and insecure, and felt unwanted, worthless, and unloved. His mother is likely to have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach, due to what she was going through, and his father is also likely to have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach, due to what he was like.

A Brutal Time

To handle not being able to bond with his mother or father and not receiving what he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have gradually lost touch with a number of his needs and feelings. This would have meant that he lost touch with his connected, true self.

The false self that formed on top of his true self would have been outer-directed and focused on protecting his mother. He might have been more like her father than her son, and often ended up in fights with his father.

Missing out

But, although he acted like her father, he was a boy who needed to be loved and cared for. Therefore, deep down, he would have hoped that if he was able to stand up for his mother and protect her, she would love him.

Many years will have passed since this stage of his life, of course, but a big part of him will still be looking for his mother’s love. The wounded and repressed parts of him won’t have a sense of time and will be blind, which is why they can’t accept that another woman is not his mother and that it is too late for him to receive his mother’s love.

Moving Forward

To his unconscious, then, a woman who is being abused will represent his mother, and a man who is abusing her will represent his father. What each person brings up for him will shed light on what he needs to resolve from his early years.

For his life to change, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.