One can enter a new relationship with the idea that it will be a completely new experience and unlike what they have gone through in the past. But while this might be their outlook in the beginning, this can soon come to an end as the relationship progresses.

This could be because of what is going on within them or what is taking place on the outside. But although what is going in internally and externally can be different, it is easy for one to see them as being one and the same.

So even if the relationship is nothing like what their mind is coming up with, one can end up projecting it onto the relationship and make their inner experience a reality. The other person might be able to make one realise this or they could get caught up in these projections and validating ones experience.

The defining factor will often be how aware someone is and whether they are open to what is actually going on externally. There is also the chance that the person they are with is just like their previous partner.

At The Start

During the beginning of the relationship everything could be going fine or it could be that one notices something more or less straight away and this causes a reaction within them. An instant red play may appear and one thing then becomes a hundred things.

This could make it impossible for one to see the other person for who they are. It then won’t matter that they are different, as their mind will be convinced that they are the same as everyone else they have been with or just someone who caused them a lot of pain in the past.

A Fresh Start

It might be confusing as to why this happens, especially as one is with a new person. And this could be someone who is exactly what they want and is nothing like the people they have been with in the past.

Part of them then wants to embrace a new relationship and move on from the past, but there is another part of them that hasn’t let go. So they end up having one foot in the present moment and another in the past.

And for one to recognise another for who they are and not as a projection of one’s past, they will have had to let go off what happened in their previous relationships. Or if they are still holding onto the past, they will have to be willing to do the work necessary to see another person for who they are.

This will take time and commitment and won’t happen straight away. Holding on is part of being human, so this is not something that one should feel ashamed of or beat themselves up over.

Holding On

So one has moved on and no longer has any contact with their previous partner or partners and yet another part of them hasn’t. The experiences one had in the past will have caused their mind to create certain beliefs and their body would also have created feelings due to what took place.

One can then leave the relationship and physically move on, but mentally and emotionally they could still be in the relationship. What happened has left a mark on ones mind and body and just finding someone else is not always enough.

One can unconsciously project what happened in their past onto their new relationship and end up being enslaved or they can consciously work through their projections. Awareness will be the key and external assistance may be needed, such as a therapist or a book for instance.


There is going to be all kinds of things that one can project onto another and some of these will have a bigger impact than others. One’s ability to trust is going to be something that is affected by what took place in the past.

This can relate to if another person will cheat, be there for them and /or whether they will hurt them like they were hurt in the past.


If these are not faced, the relationship might not progress or evolve and could end up being sabotaged in the process. This could be in the early stages or one might get to a certain point and then be unable to move forward.

History Repeats Itself

What one is experiencing could relate to what has happened in their adult relationships and yet it can also go back to what took place during their childhood. One might find that how they have felt in their relationships, actually mirrors how they felt as a child towards their parents.

However, no matter where it was from, one will have to deal with their beliefs and possibly their emotions. Unless ones emotions from these experiences are processed, they will stay trapped in their body. And these feelings then go on to define who one attracts and is attracted to. As well as how they behave and how they interpret another person’s behaviour.


The first thing that one can do is to notice any patterns that are operating. One can also bring up how they feel in the relationship to their partner and see if there is any truth to it. Reading up on this area will help one to become more aware and to question their beliefs.

A therapist, healer or their partner can assist them in releasing their trapped emotions. This will allow one to be more present and to see the other person for who they are.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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