Although one can have the need to attract the right person into their life, it doesn’t mean that this will be that takes place. Instead, one can end up attracting people who are not right for them.

Now, if one is under a certain age, they might see this as something that they will grow out of. In this case, it is going to be frustrating, but they are going to believe that it will soon be over.

The Same Old Story

Alternatively, when one is in a position where this is something they have experienced for many years, and they are no longer at the beginning of their life; it could be a lot harder for them to handle. The years will have passed, but they are still going to have the same problem.

Having said that, regardless of how old one is, it can still cause them to go through a lot of pain. What could cause them even more pain is if their friends have been able to find their ideal partner.


One can then end up feeling confused as to why their life is the way it is, and along with this, the people around them could also have the same outlook. They may say that one just needs to be patient, and that their luck will soon change.

Along with this, they might encourage one to go out more and/or they may say that they should find different places to socialise. Also, if one hasn’t tried it already, they may ask them if they have tried internet dating.

In The Beginning

Through trying something different, they may end up meeting someone who is unlike anyone else they have met; at least in the beginning. After a while, they may find that they turn out like everyone else.

It might not even get this far though, and this is because one might not even find them attractive. However, if one was to come across the type of person who has caused them problems in the past, they might feel attracted to them.


When this happens, one can end up wondering why they would be attracted to someone like this. Their body can feel the need to be with them and their mind can wonder what is going on.

As a result of this, it is going to make it even harder for them to find someone who is right for them. They are also likely to experience a lot more pain than if they were simply attracted to people who were not a good match

The Difference

When one has a pattern of attracting people who don’t fit their criteria, so to speak, it is going to cause them to experience a certain type of pain. Yet if one has pattern of attracting people who are abusive, it is likely to cause them to experience another type of pain.

For one thing, not only could they experience mental and emotional pain, they could also experience physical pain. This shows that not everyone who is unable to find the right partner will have the same experience.


It would be easy for one to end up feeling hopeless after they have attracted a number of people who were not right for them. But even if they were to give up, it might not be long until they are back on their feet.

This is because their need to connect with someone is not going to disappear; it will be there no matter what they go through. They could have moments when they start to experience hope and then before long, they lose hope; and this could be something they have experienced on numerous occasions.

The Outside

In today’s world, one’s appearance is often seen as the most important part of them, and this can then cause them to believe that they can find the right partner by having the right appearance. As a result of this, if one looks after their appearance and their life doesn’t change, they can feel like there is something inherently wrong with them.

Or they can come to believe that the reason they can’t find the right partner is because they don’t look right. However, if one took the time to observe different couples in the real world, they would see that it is not always about appearance.

Looking Within

If one is able to take their eyes off what is taking place on the outside, it will give them the chance to look at what is taking place within them. At first, it might be hard for them to do this, and this could be because they are out of touch with their inner world.

Through looking within, it might be possible for one to find out why they are unable to attract the right partner. What this comes down to is that one is not simply an observer of their reality; they are playing a part in what takes place.

Developing Self-Awareness

It has been said that one’s childhood plays a part in the kind of people they are attracted to, and this means that one way for one to find out what is taking place within them is to read books on childhood development. This can then allow them to understand why they feel the way they do, and to see if the kind of relationship they had with their caregivers during their formative years is playing a part in their adult life.

This will give them the chance to look into what their beliefs are, and whether they feel as though they deserve to have a fulfilling relationship. One may then have beliefs that need to be changed, and they might have an emotional build-up that needs to be released from their body, for instance.


At a deeper level, one may have the need to stay loyal to one of their caregivers, and this can then be the reason why they can’t attract the right partner. One of their caregivers may have suffered in some way, and if one was to experience life differently, they might end up feeling guilty and as though they are betraying them.

This outlook is likely to be coming from the child part of them, and this is why it can be hard for their adult self to understand why they would feel this way. If one can relate to this, they may need to have a family constellation.

When it comes to changing what is taking place in one’s mind and letting go of an emotional build-up, one might need the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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