Relationships: What Can Happen If A Man Doesn’t Feel Comfortable With His Sexual Side?

Although a man has an intellectual, emotional and sexual side, it doesn’t mean that he is comfortable with all of these sides. Thus, when he is in a relationship, a big part of him could end up being overlooked.

So, in the beginning, he could be sexually attracted to the woman and have feelings for her. However, as time passes, he might find it hard to be both sexually attracted to her and have feelings for her.

One Outcome

Consequently, he might lose interest in having sex with her and might just prefer to be affectionate. This could mean that his sex drive will also disappear, or it could end up being directed in another direction.

For example, he could end up spending a lot of time viewing porn. When he sees these women, he might not think about them having needs and feelings; they can simply be sexual objects that are there to please others.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, he could end up meeting another woman and seeing her every now and then for sex. This could be a woman who he has met at work, via a dating app or has slept with before.

Irrespective of whether he looks toward porn or sleeps with another woman, he can end up feeling guilty, ashamed and disgusted. But, what could help him to manage these feelings is that he could justify what he is doing.

A Pattern

This might be the first time that he has behaved in this way, or he might have been in this position before. Most likely, behaving this way will have and will continue to cause him a lot of problems.

For one thing, his girlfriend could soon find out and could she feel deeply hurt and betrayed. Before long, she could end their relationship and the outcome of this is that he could be in a very bad way mentally and emotionally.

The End

Now, assuming that this was to take place, he could wonder why he is unable to be attracted to and love the same woman. What might enter his mind is that he goes for women who he is not overly attracted to.

Then again, he might see that he is very attracted to a woman at the beginning but sees that once he starts to develop feelings for her, this attraction starts to fade away. At this point, he could conclude that there is something inherently wrong with him.

One outlook

Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that the reason he is unable to maintain the sexual attraction and love that he has for a woman is because he looks down on women who are sexual. A woman who is not sexual is then ‘good’ while a woman who is is ‘bad'.

This is then an example of the ‘Madonna whore complex’. If this is the case, he will need to question what he believes about a woman who is sexual and enjoys expressing this part of her nature.

Another outlook

Another way of looking at this would be to say that it says more about his relationship with his own sexual nature than it does about what is going on for a woman. There is a chance that he doesn’t feel comfortable with this side of his nature.

In this case, he doesn’t feel comfortable seeing a woman as a whole human being who is made up of many different sides as he doesn’t feel comfortable seeing himself in this way. By not being sexual with her or seeing her as a sexual being, then, he is able to stop himself from coming into contact with a part of himself that he feels ashamed of.

On The Side

Of course, if he is watching porn or having an affair, he is not completely denying this side. Nonetheless, this is a bit like someone who goes into another room to eat a certain type of food or drink alcohol.

This is a side of him that he has not integrated or it would be a normal part of his life, as opposed to something that he needs to do on the side. To understand why he doesn’t feel at ease with this part of him, it might be a good idea for him to take a closer look at what his early years were like.

Back in time

This may have been a stage of his life when sex wasn’t mentioned and if it was, it was seen as something that was dirty and shameful. Perhaps his parent or parents were religious, which would have caused him to be exposed to messages that didn’t create a very healthy view of this side of his nature.

He may have also had certain experiences that made him feel ashamed of and disgusted by this side of his nature. For example, he may have often been touched inappropriately.
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Another part

What could also play a part in his inability to see a woman as a whole human being is that he could be projecting his mother into her. Naturally, if he does this, it is to be expected that he would lose his attraction to her, as it is not going to feel right.

This can show that it wasn’t possible for him to emotionally separate from her and has stayed emotionally entangled with her. No matter what is going on for him, to integrate this side of him, he is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through, among other things.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.