Repetition Compulsion: Can Someone Engage In Repetition Compulsion If They Experienced Developmental Trauma?

If someone was to think about their life, they may see that there is what they want to experience in one area of it and what they actually experience. Due to this, this area of their life is likely to cause them to experience a number of ’negative’ feelings and thoughts.
​
Then again, this could be the case with a number of areas of their life and thus, they could generally be weighed down by ‘negative’ feelings and thoughts. Most likely, they will have a strong need for their life to change.

For Example

So, when it comes to their relationships, they may have the tendency to end up with people who are not available. When they are in a relationship, then, they could typically not feel seen or heard.

During this time they could wonder why they are with someone who is like this as it will be as though they don’t exist. A number of their other needs such as their need for physical affection might not be met either.

One More

Along with this, they could have a job that is anything but fulfilling; with this being somewhere they don’t feel valued or appreciated. Once again, they won’t feel seen and heard.

They may see that their last job was not much different and they may have had a number of jobs that were like this. At this point, they could feel pretty helpless and wonder if their life will ever change.

A Natural Outcome

Yet, as how they experience life will be radically different to how they want to experience life, this is to be expected. Thanks to how long this has been going on, they could believe that someone or something out there is holding them back or is against them.

What could make things even worse is if they have tried to change their life and been ‘working on themselves’ for a little while. When it comes to what they have done, they may have worked on their ‘negative’ thoughts and even taken steps to raise their self-esteem.

A Bleak Place
They could believe that the only way that their life will change if is their luck was to change. Other than this, they will just have to tolerate what is going on and to do their best to keep going.

Now, although it may seem as though they want one thing and life is giving them something else entirely, there is the chance that there is far more to it. There is a strong chance that another part of them is playing a part in why they are experiencing life in this way.

It’s by Design

What this means is that they are not a powerless victim and life is not something that is happening to them. Instead, without realising it, they are co-creating the life that they lead.

Upon hearing this, they could wonder what other part of them is being spoken about and say that there is no way that they could be ‘co-creating’ this. What they will need to understand at this point is that who they are doesn’t begin and end with their conscious mind.

Just the Tip

In addition to this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind. This part of them is far more influential than their conscious mind and one thing that it contains is their emotional wounds that go back to their childhood and before.

These emotional wounds are not lying dormant; no, they are causing them to look towards other adults, via transference, to give them what their caregivers were unable to give them. After hearing this, they could say that they are not looking towards other adults to give them what their parents were unable to; they are simply trying to meet their adult needs.

Two Levels

On one level, yes, this is exactly what they are trying to do but, on another level, they will be looking for something else entirely. The challenge is that rarely if ever having their needs met during their early years would have ended up being associated with what was familiar and therefore safe, as painful as it would have been, they will continually look towards other adults who also can’t be there for them and recognise their value.

This is what is known as repetition compulsion, where someone unconsciously replays their past with the hope that this time it will be different. The main reason why they won’t have noticed this is because their brain will have blocked out what took place very early on to protect them.

The key

Considering this, being able to connect the dots so to speak, is the first part of what will stop them from unconsciously trying to receive from another person what they can’t give them. And as these will be unmet childhood needs, it is unlikely that another will be able to fulfil them, even if they are very present.

Without this understanding in place, they are trapped in a prison that they have unconsciously created. A prison where feeling frustrated, helpless, invisible and unvalued is the rule as opposed to the exception.

Walking Through the Door

The second part will be for them to work through the pain that they experienced by rarely if ever having these needs met very early on. This is what will allow them to gradually change their reality.

Still, this won’t be easy though as it will involve facing the pain that was too much for them to handle very early on. As they were egocentric at this stage of their life they would have personalised what took place, seeing themselves as the reason why these needs were rarely if ever met, and this would have served as a defence against the pain they were in, and they would have done just about everything that they could to receive what they desperately needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A Brutal Time

Before this stage, they may often have neglected when they were an infant and then a toddler, and when they were given attention; this is was likely to have been missatuned care. Not having their developmental needs met such as the need to be seen, adored and loved, would have greatly wounded them.

Their brain would have automatically repressed their pain and they would have ended up disconnected from themselves and gone into a shut down, frozen state. Their underdeveloped brain and nervous system wouldn’t have been equipped to handle so much pain.

Two Types

Endlessly recycling how they felt as a baby and then as the years went by will be painful but what is likely to be even more painful is for them to feel the pain of not having their needs met. However, while the former will last forever, the latter won’t be something that will last forever and it will allow them to gradually transform their life.

They are likely to be carrying a lot of pain, so they won’t be able to work through it all in one go; it will need to be worked through in bits. If all this pain was to enter their conscious awareness, they would probably die.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.