The other night, I watched a video of a brown bear that kept walking around in circles. This bear was not in a cage, though, it was outside and was thus, free to go anywhere that it wanted.

Apparently, it wasn’t that long ago that this bear was in a cage and didn’t have the freedom that it does now. This bear’s environment had then changed but its behaviour had stayed the same.

A Crazy Scenario

It would be easy to reflect on this and to think “wow, this bear is not very clever” and “if it was more intelligent, it would be able to see what is going on and to change its behaviour.” Now, as easy as it is to do this, what is not as easy is for someone to recognise when they are doing the same thing, or to change their behaviour when they are aware of this.

This is not to say that they will have lived in a small area and now they are free to go just about wherever they want. No, it is likely to be far more subtle than that and this is why it can go under the radar, so to speak.

Another Element

Furthermore, if they have behaved in a certain way for more or less their whole life, they might not even notice this behaviour. This is going to mean that it will be normal; thereby preventing them from questioning what is going on.

What can also play a part in this is that they can live in a society where what they are doing is a common occurrence. Therefore, if they are not aware of what is going on, it is unlikely that anyone around them will say anything.

One More

To top it all off, this could be someone who is extremely ‘intelligent’ and have numerous qualifications. This can make it hard to accept that they would behave in a way that is not serving them.

At this point, it would be easy to wonder: how could someone like this behave in this way if they actually are intelligent? The question that could also arise at this point is: is there more than one kind of intelligence?

The Same Pattern

When it comes to what someone can do that doesn’t serve them, there are numerous examples. If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they could see that they are continually attracted to people who are not available and, even when they know that someone is not available, they keep going back to them.

And/or, they may have people in their life who don’t treat them very well. Some of these people may have been in their life for years and they could find more people who are like this as time passes.

Drawing the Line

So, whether someone can relate to one of the behaviours above, or if it is another behaviour or behaviours that are undermining them, they may be in a position where they are ready to change their life. If one does see themselves as ‘intelligent’, they may wonder how they could have been so ‘stupid’ for so long.

Yet, if they do respond in this way, it will be important for them to keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that they are stupid or that there is something inherently wrong with them. What it will simply show is that they have a mind that is very good at deceiving them and precluding them from developing self-awareness in the process.

The Right Education

Additionally, there is a strong chance that they didn’t learn about how their mind works whilst they were in the education system. When it comes to what they learned, this would have probably been what would benefit ‘the system’, not what would allow them to gain a deeper understanding of themselves, to develop self-awareness and to heal their inner wounds.

Without a doubt, if the education taught these three things, it wouldn’t take long until there was a massive shift on this earth. With these understandings, more and more people would be able to be the change that they want to see in the world as opposed to trying to change the world, whilst being in a complete a mess themselves.

Going Deeper

Anyway, for one to understand why they would behave in ways that don’t serve them, it will be necessary for them to understand that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it comes to the latter, this part of them is not only hidden, but it is also far more powerful than the former and it can want different things.

With this in mind, the way for them to understand why they would behave in a destructive manner is to connect to this part of them and to find out what it is trying to achieve. This part of them will reveal what is going on but that doesn’t mean that any of it will make sense to their conscious mind, at least in the beginning.

Back In Time

If one can see that they have the inclination to be drawn to people who are unavailable and, once they know someone is like this, they go back to them, it is likely to illustrate that part of them is trying to resolve a situation from their past. During their younger years, they may have had at least one caregiver who wasn’t available.

Many years will have passed since that time but their emotional/child self has no sense of time and will still be trying to receive what it didn’t receive all those years ago. This part of them won’t give up until it receives what it missed out on.

A Compulsion

This part is not concerned about how much pain this behaviour is causing them; it is possessed by its need to finally receive what it missed out on. All the suffering that this behaviour has caused will show them that this is the case.

Another part of this is that even though this part of them will want to receive what it missed out on, it will also fear receiving it. What this comes down to is that as painful as their early years were, it would have been associated as what is familiar, and what is familiar is classed as what is safe to their ego-mind.

A New Beginning

Thus, as crazy as it is to endlessly behave in a way that does no good whatsoever, what makes it even crazier is that this part also fears the very thing that it is trying to receive. Having said that, it is through this process of repeating the past that it is possible for one to become aware of what it is that they need to heal so that they can become more integrated and whole.

The trouble is, of course, is that if one is not aware of what is going on they won’t be able to make use of the information that their external world is providing them. Instead of being able to see what is going on and to resolve what is showing up, they will continually do something that will either greatly undermine them at best and slowly, or instantly, kill them at worst.


On one level, there is the behavioural pattern that is not serving them, and, at a deeper level, there is the emotional pain that is keeping this pattern in place. For their life to change, they will need to get in touch with this pain and to work through it.

By working through this pain, their need to behave in a certain way will gradually subside. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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