Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Failing Marriage Advice

Conflicts arise even in the happiest of marriages. However, even with conflicts you can future proof your marriage. Future proofing your marriage happens simply, when both of you learns to use just two words frequently. These magic two words are "thank you".

These simple yet magical and extremely meaningful words, thank you, will weather any conflict. Even the most negative conflict patterns will not lead to a defining impact on a couple's relationship if the couple show their gratitude for one another regularly. Take note of the word "regularly".

The couple must learn to use these two words frequently and regularly. These two words should be used as "prevention" to conflicts and not an immediate remedy or solution to conflicts. Meaning if you don't express your gratitude and appreciation in every occasion possible, it will not work to solve a possible conflict in the future. It is like the saying, "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away." Saying "thank you" frequently and regularly will cushion any conflict in a couple's relationship.

The feeling that you are appreciated and that you are valuable to your spouse directly influences how you feel about your marriage. It affects your commitment to your marriage and your belief that your marriage will last. The words "thank you" are positive reinforcements to your desire to keep your relationship going despite any issues.

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A study revealed that spouses who feel appreciated by one another are far less likely to entertain the thought of divorce. The underlying love in gracious statements fuels commitment. Essentially, the words 'thank you' are like a shield. These two simple words work as a form of protection against relationship conflicts.

These two simple words are very much important especially to couples who are not adept communicators in conflict. Good communication is one of the most important means or ways to keep a relationship happy. But when good communication does not happen because one or both parties are not good communicators, then the habit of saying "thank you" will help them strengthen their marriage.

Financial distress has been identified as the leading causes of unhealthy and failed marriages. When couples have the money issue, they are more likely to engage in negative feelings toward each other. They start being critical of each other and being defensive. They would blame each other of over spending and spending unnecessarily. This will lead them to withdraw from each other and refuse to talk about this issue for the fear of being labeled greedy, unreasonable, etc. This then leads to lower marital quality.

When stress such as this takes hold of us, gratitude will prevail if it is put into practice regularly and frequently. The thought that your spouse appreciates and values you will erase doubts on your mind. It will calm you down and take away all negative thoughts.

All couples have disagreements, so not having any disagreement cannot be used as a basis for a good marriage because not having disagreements is impossible. What distinguishes the marriages that last from failed marriages is not how often the couple has disagreements or how often they argue, but how they argue and how they treat each other on a daily basis.

Saying thank you frequently and regularly with feeling will future proof your marriage.

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Marriage counseling tips abound - some good, some not so good, but seasoned marriage counselors know that problems in a marriage often arise from one key issue - communication. Of all the practical tips that a marriage counselor can give, by far the most important one is that couples need to work on better communication.

When things are not communicated effectively, problems arise. Just think about your job. I am sure you have told someone at work that something needs to be done and they do it...only you find out that they didn't do what YOU wanted. Why not? What you say and what people hear are not always the same. You need to communicate effectively - this means making sure the other party is clear on what you are saying.

You know how much of a hassle this can be in the workplace - now think about it at home. The feelings of frustration are amplified by the fact that the person you are communicating to is supposed to be your partner for life and supposed to understand you. You might be getting mad at them because you communicated something - but did you communicate it effectively. Chances are, there are a lot of times when you are not communicating effectively and you are unknowingly causing problems in your marriage.

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So what can be done about it? Well, the first thing is to sit down and talk about this with your spouse. Let them know that you would like to have better communication in your marriage so that both parties are being heard for what they are really saying. Your spouse is very likely to be open to this. After all, who doesn't want to be heard when they have something to say? Be sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to clarity. If anything is unclear - if there are questions - ask. Without clarifying things, effective communication will soon break down.

The key comes in this next step which is implementing your new communication strategy. This is perhaps the most difficult because you will likely have to break the habit of hearing without really listening. Yes, you will have to take a real interest in what your spouse is saying. Reality check - You should be interested in what your spouse is saying - it is important. Even if you don't find it important, it is important to them. They are your partner for life - treat them with the respect they deserve.

So many affairs spring out of this simple lack of respect for what a spouse is saying. One partner feels that they are being ignored and taken for granted. This often opens the door for others in their life who do take an interest in them which can eventually lead down that path to infidelity. You owe it to your spouse to be interested, supportive, and respectful - start by listening.

Once you get into the habit of really listening to what your spouse is saying and getting clarity when you aren't quite understanding, you will find that communication between you and your spouse will be a lot more effective. Effective communication will save a marriage that is worth saving as it will allow you to tackle obstacles as they arise instead of letting them grow into insurmountable problems.

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The number one complaint in marriages is partners experiencing difficulty communicating. For a successful marriage begin with understanding your spouse. Successful marriage communication can be learned and nurtured. Understanding your spouse is the first step.

There was a time when you and your partner fist met that everything seemed perfect and everything flowed effortlessly in your relationship. Now that the romance has faded and life seems routine you may feel like you don't even know your partner anymore.

It's unfortunate that many relationships play out this way. Slowly over time the relationship drifts off course until one day you seem to be arriving in different ports. The connection you once felt is a smoldering ember rather than the passionate flame you desire.

Ask you spouse open ended questions about what they thought or felt about time you spent together, things you've experienced or desires going forward. It is a simple and non-threatening way to begin conversations and learn more about your partner. There are no wrong answers and it's important to respect the response, it helps you to better understand your spouse.

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Setting the tone for successful marriage communication should be kept in a positive light. It is never to judge or manipulate your partner. The better you understand your spouse the easier it gets to communicate with them. Over time you will experience greater connectedness and trust with your loved one.

Depending on your own circumstances and patterns of destructive marriage communication you may experience difficulty in breaking the ice. If this is where you are with your partner you may need someone to help get your communication back on track.

It has taken both of your efforts to get here. One person taking the initiative to make positive changes can make the difference in a relationship. With the proper assistance you will be on your way quickly to successful marriage communication and a better understanding of your spouse.

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There are tons of self-help books out there that can teach you how to save your marriage. But many I've come across many that are as thick as encyclopedias, if not thicker.

Unfortunately, if you're trying to learn how to save your marriage, chances are you're already very stressed out by that daunting task and the last thing you want is to start reading a thick and boring book that adds to your burden.

And although books are detailed in nature, you might not have the time to read them. That's why you need a quick guide to help you along.

So here's my quick 4-tip guide that will teach you how to save your marriage.

Don't Keep Saying You Want A Divorce

If you want to save your marriage, then divorce has to be the last thing on your mind. But yet, you might have mentioned this D-word to your spouse many times just to let out steam or to threaten your spouse.

The problem with that is it'll become a reality if you keep confessing about it. So if you want to learn how to save your marriage, don't give your words a chance to backfire on you.

Understand The Opposite Sex

This tip is crucial when you're learning how to save your marriage, because you'll want to know the right buttons to push to get your spouse to make the marriage work.

If you think you know your spouse inside out, think again. Men and women aren't meant to understand each other unless they take the effort to, and that same truth applies to you.

Of course, one great way to understand the opposite sex is to ask how your spouse feels and not just rely on self-help books. I promise that you'll learn things about your spouse that no books out there will ever teach you.

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Know That Your Spouse Is Not Perfect

I'm sure your marriage started out great, so you might ignore the little annoying habits that your partner made. But you'll get irritated by them after you lived together for a while, so perhaps you've allowed your anger to get the better of you and blow up at your spouse.

A part of learning how to save your marriage is accepting that the person you married is far from perfect, so if your spouse's bad habits aren't that serious, learn to let it go. After all, you probably have some annoying habits too that your spouse is putting up with.

Learn To Praise Your Spouse

If you've fallen into the habit of constantly criticising your spouse, then you must learn to stop it.

It's not easy, but if you were to keep attacking your spouse verbally for things you don't like, your marriage will only go from bad to worse.

So while you're learning how to save your marriage, make it an effort to praise your spouse, especially if you're the wife. Your husband wants to feel like a hero when he's with you, so don't make him feel like a zero or your marriage is doomed for failure.

If I were to sum up the 4 tips above, they can be summarized into one word, respect. When you were just starting out on the relationship, you were always quick to say "please", "thank you" and "sorry." But when time went on, you forgot to watch your manners. So if you really want to learn how to save your marriage, make sure you go back to that same level of respect you have for your spouse first before anything else.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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