Second chance. How many get a real chance to put things right and turn back the clock? How many get a chance to become happy again? And in the case of those who are more cautious and have learned from their mistakes they really benefit and it lasts.

Every so often I get a lady consult me who has broken up wit the man she loves, she is desperate to get him back. She may be babbling on about using black magic to force him to be with her and she will often tell me that she is cursed, because this would explain how come he left her.
The trouble is if the people who have a problem cannot see where they went wrong and they get another chance to try again with that same person they will make the same mistakes again.

In many cases the woman has been nagging the man to move in or marry her, maybe to have a child with her, usually because she is insecure and looking for so called proof and security that it will last and he really cares. The man has got sick and tired of being nagged and moaned at and ended the relationship. But the only thing the woman sees is that she wants him back, not why he went and not that she would have to change to stop it from happening over and over again. If they they speak to a therapist there is a pattern where this has happened before. But rather than see that they have a habit of behaving this way, and driving men away, they see it as being cursed or having bad luck or being with abusive no hopers. Until they see it and change it repeats and this could co on forever. In five years time they will be worse because they more disasters and mistakes they have notched up the more insecure they become and the worse the nagging or moaning is with each new man.

Intimacy is about emotional and mental intimacy as well as physical. Love is about caring about someone not just wanting them to be there because it suits you. Without intimacy and love a marriage will not work. Without love and intimacy living together with someone, having a sexual relationship with them or going steady with them will not work.Eventually the lack of intimacy and love ruins it.

By all means try to get a second chance to make a relationship that went wrong before work out this time but recognise that without knowing why it went wrong and how both of you feel about it and what measures both of you will take to prevent it from happening again then it will happen again. In the case of an insecure woman it is no good telling her to stop moaning and nagging. This would not change how she feels and what she thinks, simply that she is bottling it all up. She would need therapy with a qualified and experienced therapist to work on herself to change. The sooner she does that the sooner she can have a chance of it being a success this time. The longer she puts it off the more time she is wasting on being unhappy and possibly losing the person she is with.

In the case of people who are not suited to relationships which are monogamous, those who want to play the field, those who want to come and go as they please, those who lie a lot or who are irresponsible, it is really up to their partner whether they put up wit this behaviour or not. You cannot turn a cheat into a loyal person, you cannot turn a liar into an honest person, nor an irresponsible person into someone who is mature and thoughtful. Trying to change someone is a waste of time and futile. You must accept them as they are or not at all.

Author's Bio: 

Beth Shepherd 40+ years of experience. Tried, tested and trusted by experts, professionals, magazines and newspapers. Psychic, therapist and relationship expert.