Self, I Forgive You

In the past, I have spoken about the importance of forgiveness towards others. Just as equally important if not more, is forgiveness toward our self. We tend to beat up on ourselves when we have done something we consider to be wrong. We all make mistakes from time to time and we are all going to continue making mistakes. It is just a part of life.

Millions of people, just like you, struggle trying to make their life or their selves “better". There are those who just want to be a better person, to be nicer or more loving to one another. There are those who move thousands of miles away to get away from it all. There are those who are trying to overcome unhealthy lifestyles or choices such as addictions. Regardless of what you have done or are trying to do, life is never going to be “perfect”. Yes, you can make it a very fulfilling and happy life, but there will always be contrast because that is just the natural cycle of life.

There will always be times when we slip up. Perhaps you were unloving to someone because you were irritated with yourself for some reason. Perhaps you relapsed after being clean and sober for years on end. Maybe you do not do what you know you should be doing to feel better just because you choose not to. It really does not matter what you did or didn’t do, what matters is that you learn to immediately forgive yourself and move on.

What good is it going to do you or anyone in your life if you hold onto anger, shame, or disappointment? You will only end up projecting the feelings you have for yourself onto someone else. This, as you know, will only end up causing more pain. Is this who you want to be? Is this how you want to live your life?

I have come across so many people in my life who live with anger, resentment, frustration, self-doubt, self-criticism, addictions, etc. because they continue their own cycle of what I refer to as the cycle of pain. How does this happen? It happens because they cannot forgive themselves for the “wrongs” they have committed. Instead of moving forward, they remain stuck in the cycle because they continue to punish themselves. Sometimes the cycle is broken for a short period of time but it never lasts very long. It does not last long because they fall back into their negative thoughts and feelings about themselves.

Another reason people stay stuck in the cycle is that they choose to focus on what they did or said that was wrong instead of focusing on all the greatness they have said or done. For example, someone who has had 10 years of sobriety, relapses one time, and by “tradition” has to start all over again. The focus is then on the ONE relapse instead of the 3,650 days they had sober! They hold onto that one “mistake” instead of forgiving themselves and moving on. Wouldn’t life drift along so much easier if you were able to forgive yourself and then share with the world that which you really are? No one is perfect and no one is ever going to be.

Finding forgiveness toward ourselves can be difficult because we become so disappointed in ourselves for “messing up” once again. If you want to live a more peaceful life, take the steps toward self-forgiveness and then forget about it.

• Be honest with yourself and admit your wrongs. - Accept what you did or said, taking responsibility for the outcome. - If you did or said something that can be fixed, then fix it. - Forgive yourself, acknowledging the fact that we all make mistakes, that we are all human.

Let it go and forget about it. It is OVER, it is now in the past, and it no longer exists.

You are and will always be loved as you are, exactly as you are. If something does not feel good to you, don’t do or say it. You do not need to wait for someone else to forgive your wrongs, the only forgiveness you need is your own!