How someone treats others might reflect how they treat themselves, but then again, it might not. What this means is that there can be a big difference between how one treats others and how they treat themselves.

If one was to come across someone who is kind to others, they could come to the conclusion that they are kind to themselves. And while this could be true, it might be the complete opposite of what is going on within them.


There is the chance that one has been conditioned to treat others well and this is the only thing they know. It is then what is normal for them and is not an extension of what is taking place within them.

This kind of conditioning was generally more common in the past, and so even if one didn’t ’like themselves’, it wouldn’t have affected how they treated others. If appearances alone were taken into account, one could come to the conclusion that people don’t like themselves as much as they did in the past, yet it could just come down to the fact that manners have gradually eroded.

A True Expression

When one is kind to themselves, being kind to others will be something that takes place naturally. It is then not so much that they have been conditioned to treat others well, it is just what feels right.

This doesn’t mean that one will always be polite; what it means is that this is how they will generally behave. There is no need for one to put on an act; all they have to do is to be themselves.

Inner Support

So there is going to be how one has a positive influence on others lives, and there is also going to be how one has a positive influence on their own life. When one is kind to themselves, it is going to mean that their inner-voice is positive.

And as this is something that is always there, it is going to make a big difference when it comes to how they experience life. It will allow them to be their own best friend as opposed to their own worst enemy.

Two Parts

When it comes to one’s inner voice, there is often said to be two parts. The first part is often described as a masculine influence and this will be there to encourage them to work hard, to be disciplined and to take action, among other things.

This will then be supported by the other part and this is often described as a feminine influence. Through this influence, one will be able to speak to themselves in the same way that a loving mother would talk to her child during moments of stress.

The ideal

These two influences will play a part in one being able to live a fulfilling life, but if one has one without the other, it could cause them to be out of balance. Let’s say that one has a strong masculine influence within them and this pushes them forward, but there feminine influence is not as strong.

This could mean that they are able to achieve things and to be successful, but that they end up being overly critical towards themselves. There is no loving influence within them and this could make their life a misery.

A Normal Experience

So while some people will have both influences within them to push them forward and to build them up when they fall, there will be others who don’t. And this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be.

One might be overly critical and put themselves down without even realising how destructive it is. This is then what is normal and this is going to cause one to suffer unnecessarily.


It then won’t matter if there are others who are trying to hold them back or put them down, as one is already doing this themselves. And because this is taking place on the inside, it is going to cause one to attract people who talk to them in the same way.

If others were to see one being treated badly, they might not think about how this might reflect how they treat themselves. One could cut their ties with the people who do treat them badly, but they might soon find others who are the same.


When one is caught up in their inner voice and being thrown around like a car in tornado, they can come to the conclusion that it is who they are. Their inner voice is then not something that can be changed; it is as much a part of them as their arm is.

Yet while one’s inner voice might appear to be an expression of who they, it is something that has been created through the people they have spent their time with throughout their life. One of the biggest influences will be what took place during their childhood.

Childhood Influences

It would be easy to say that one’s mother shaped the influence that is feminine and their father shaped the influence that is masculine, but this is rarely the case. It can all depend on what one’s parents were like or what the people were like who brought them up.

However, if one steps back and reflects on how they talk to themselves, they might find that it relates to how they were spoken to whilst they were growing up. The voices they heard on the outside soon became the voices in their head.


One approach would be to focus purely on the mind and to change one’s thoughts and to be around people who are supportive and loving. Through this, one’s self-talk will gradually begin to change.

As a result of what happened during these early years, one might also have an emotional build up in their body. And all the time this is there, it might stop them from being able to accept the new messages. If this is the case, one will need to release the emotions that have remained within them. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

This is then similar to how a gardener prepares the ground before they plant seed. If they don’t prepare the ground, the seeds might grow, but they won’t do as well as they would if the ground was prepared. Just as one can do affirmations or think positive but if their body is loaded with emotional pain, it might not matter what they do.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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