Why is sex like learning to ride a bicycle? Well, do you know how to ride a bicycle? Not the four-wheeled type. The two-wheel ones (one front, one back) upon which the rider needs to be balanced.

If yes, how long did it take you to learn to ride one? While you were learning how to ride the bicycle, did you fall? Did you feel like giving up? Was there anybody who helped, supported or encouraged you?

My younger sister and I were given a two-wheeled bicycle when we were in primary school. Our parents were both working and did not usually have much time for us. Between the two of us, we decided to support each other and learn to ride it ourselves. Every Saturday afternoon, after returning home from our extra-curricular activities (then known as ECA), we would bring the bicycle downstairs in the lift. One of us would mount the bike and attempt to keep our balance before tentatively pushing off on the pedal, whilst the other tried desperately to support. We would take turns at it until one of us gave up for the day.

It was scary, to say the least, because I knew if I fell, I could be held responsible for damaging the bicycle and/or hurting my sister. We had no clue if we were ‘learning’ correctly. Yet we would struggle week after week.

The holidays arrived. Even though we were frustrated with the lack of progress as we entered our third month of trying to learn, I asked my sister if we should try to practice more often that week. She agreed. Something amazing happened that day. At the end of the practice, we both admitted that we seemed to be balancing ‘a bit’ better. Encouraged, we decided to try again a few days later.

That fateful day, my sister was the one who got the hang of it first. She gave me the tip: “Step hard (on the pedal) and then move the handle (handlebars) to balance.” Jealous of her success, I gave it my best effort, completely forgetting my fear of falling. And that was the day we both learnt to cycle.

What changed that week? And what does this little personal story have to do with sex?

When we practiced only once a week, between each session our bodies were in fact ‘forgetting’ the motor skills of balancing required to ride the bicycle, and we were only relearning what we had learned the week before. The week we practiced twice was the same week we reported the most progress.

I use this personal story often. I encourage my clients to do their home assignments often – certain exercises on a daily basis – because that is the fastest and most effective way their bodies will learn and help them to overcome their sexual inhibition.

Even if they were caught up with life and work and failed to do the exercises everyday as instructed, hopefully, they would have done it often enough for progress. The ones who listened and followed instructions diligently reported the greatest progress.

Indeed, once you know how to ride a bicycle, you will never forget.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.