Should Children in schools be criticized?

When I was a child, I used to be very angry when my mom, dad or anyone criticized my work or me. I used to think they were ignorant of my potential and that made me accomplish my tasks as perfectly as I could. Now, when I have become a grown up, I realized that the criticism worked like a tonic for my self development.

Criticism is a part of our life. Just as light has no significance without the existence of darkness, in the same way criticism is most important for a successful life. Sant Kabir Das once quoted in his couplet “Ninduk niyare rakhiye angan kuthir chubay, Bin pani sabun bina nirmal kare suhay” which when translated means it is beter to have one who criticizes you close to you because it helps cleanse your character without the use of soap and water. If we analyze the lives of our great scholars, we can see that many of them are greatly criticized in their earlier lives.

The Indian Laureate Rabindranath Tagore, when he was a teen, went to one of his father’s friends whom he used to admire the most, to show his writings. After reading the poem written by young Rabindranath, his father’s friend replied, “I find this poem good to read, but it failed to touch my heart…”. This incident influenced him a lot and in his later life he won the Nobel Prize for his excellent contribution in literary work.

While discussing about criticism, one thing must be noticed that these should be healthy ones. There are ways by which we can positively influence our kids and can infuse a sense of self-confidence among them. Every time, we engage in some discussion on whether the children should be criticized or not, we often come across a mixed reaction.

Many parents think that criticism can damage the child’s inner qualities where as others feel quite the opposite. It’s been a long time since I’ve been dealing with child related issues. Few days ago some parents asked me whether they should criticize their kids or not. I have studies many research papers, jou
als and articles on child psychology and found that there are many things that parents need to keep in mind before criticizing their kids. These can be summed up as follows:-

1. First, if the parents are disappointed by their kid’s performance, they need to approach the topic constructively. Children also need to be given the freedom to evaluate their own tasks so that they can understand their own loopholes. Parents ask questions like, “Are you happy with how you did?” or “Is there anything different that you can apply next time?”. It’s very important to take the child’s feedback about their own success or failure.

2. If a child fails in a particular task, the failure should not be seen as an identity but as an event. If children are disappointed in their performance or an outcome, empathize and then help them strategize about how they can make things go differently next time.

3. Never express anger when children make mistakes, or imply that you love them less. Mistakes are just mistakes; while they might need to be dealt with, they are never grounds to withdraw love.Reacting constructively to the child’s actions can be a good step towards the child’s bright future.