Spending Time Apart In A Marriage: Should I Give My Husband Some Time Apart So He Can Decide What He Wants To Do About Our Marriage

Most advice you receive about how to save a marriage is vague. They tell you to learn communication skills, stop criticizing and just forgive one another. Now don't get me wrong all of that advice is good. Anything you can do that is positive will help. Here are some things you can do right now. They may take a little time to show some effect on your marriage but they will help move you forward.

Get Away From Each Other!

That sounds counterintuitive but no matter what stage in your marriage you are in right now taking some time away from each other will do wonders. Whether your spouse has just told you he/she wants a divorce or you've been talking about it for a while, taking some time away from each other will help the both of you gain some perspective on your marriage.

While you are away from each other stop to focus on what made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. Then face the problems you are having and find some kind and respectful way to express them calmly to your spouse when you get back together to talk about them.

Face Your Own Issues!

It's a tire old saying but one that is still true today. It takes two to tango. And, so yes, you have issues too. So while you are apart from each other take the time to closely examine the part you have played in causing the collapse of your marriage. You may have brought some emotional baggage into the relationship that needs to be healed.

Don't be hard on yourself and expect to correct any emotional or psychological issue you have right now. Just identify the problems. You can get help for them later. But facing them honestly makes you more aware and that's half the battle.

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Get Together And Work To Resolve Your Issues!

After you have had some time apart, and reexamined your relationship, you need to set aside a few hours to sit and talk to your spouse about what seems to be creating the conflict in your marriage.

Be calm. Don't blame. If your spouse is the type to start shouting then you may need to have this conversation in the presence of a marriage counselor or some other neutral third party knowledgeable about how to save a marriage.

Schedule A Time To Spend Together!

Not spending enough quality time together is often what starts marital problems in the first place. Then once the marriage is really on the rocks, you spend more and more time apart. Fortunately, it's an easy trend to reverse. Find something you both enjoy doing, as long as you can chat with each other while doing it, and schedule a time for the activity at least twice a week. Focusing on each other will bring you closer.

Take Action But Be Patient!

You won't find quick fixes when you are trying to find out "how to save a marriage". So slow down and work with patience. These few tactics will help to get you on your way to healing your relationship. There are other things you can do but for now start small, be patient and just take action. You can work on other issues in more sophisticated ways at a later time.

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When trust is shaky in a relationship it is important to find out where the seeds of doubt are coming from. Is one of the partners communicating in a way that words and actions do not match? Are there unexplained absences? Are there cover ups about money spent, use of alcohol, prescriptions drugs mysteriously having vanished? There are so many ways that trust can become shaky.

What is important is to trust your powers of observation and that inner gut reaction that something is not right. What you do not want to do is deny what your senses tell you. By denying or not wanting to believe what may be there you become an enabler of the mistrust.

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What to do to rekindle trust in a relationship? Communication indeed becomes the key. Trust yourself and use words to bring up your concerns. Stay focused in the present and comment on what you observe. For instance,if you know that money had been spent without honoring the commitment you had made to each other to discuss purchases be very specific about the facts that back up what you know. f you encounter denials and resistance hear it out. If your starts deflecting by bringing up things from the past be sure to bring the topic back to the present discussion at hand.

You want to trust yourself to be fair but not dismiss evidence that validates why it is hard for you to trust. Stress that what you value is clear open communication between the two of you. You will find that your partner will rise towards building trust when he/she realizes that you will no longer tolerate a relationship where you have to worry about trust worthiness. If your partner is not willing to look at his/her own behavior you may conclude that you have outgrown this relationship.

Trust is built on confronting reality and using communication skills to rebuild trust in a relationship.

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This is more so an article about people in general than something that's targeted towards understanding men. Having said that, it's still very useful if you want to get better at being more attractive, especially if you feel that your man isn't paying as much attention to you as you would want. I will make the focus on women, since this will help you understand how you can improve yourself to get more love and respect from your man.

1. Are You Complete?

This is the question that you have to ask yourself right now. Are you complete? If this question doesn't make sense to you, let me elaborate on it a little bit more. I'm defining complete by how you feel about yourself and how you think you fit into society.

Do you think that the world is against you, or do you feel that you are in control of your destiny and where you head? Are you largely reactive or do you try and be proactive and shape your world? Do you put in the effort to improve yourself or do you think that you're perfect the way you are?

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2. Addition or Multiplication...

There is this common saying when people get married that a couple fits so well together, or that they are two halves that make a perfect whole. I might be reading into it a bit too much, but wouldn't it be better if both people were whole to begin with, meaning that they form a better functioning couple when they're together?

The former saying implies that people are always incomplete and have insecurities and blemishes. While this is true, it makes it seem like we don't have control over ourselves, our personality or our character when we know this isn't the case.

3. How to Be Complete

There is a good chance that this article doesn't make sense to you, simply because you aren't familiar with the concept of being more self-aware. That's fine, as long as you're happy in your current relationship.

However, if you know that you have some improving, then the onus is on you to better yourself. You're completely responsible. Men are attracted to women who get what they want themselves. They like independent women.

If you're dedicated to understanding men and getting closer to your husband or lover, then you'll try and spend more time and effort understanding yourself. If you do, then you'll realize that it all starts with you. Don't blame the world for your issues. Your world is shaped by how you respond to what happens to you. Control your emotions and shape your world and your relationships.

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Someone in your world is doing something you don't like. You may be able to get them to change. The first step, of course, is simply to ask them to change. This direct approach can work well with someone who wants to please you and who has conscious control over their behavior.

It isn't always that easy. But don't resort to threats, nagging and browbeating. That usually produces defensiveness, hostility and disharmony. You can live without all that.

Instead, try changing something you're doing. In our social world, all behavior is communication. Together, we co-create the meaning of our behavioral interaction. Change the behavior and change the meaning. Change the meaning and change the behavior. Change yourself and the other must change too.

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Suppose, for example, you have been responding with anger to some behavior of your partner. In response, your partner has become defensive and defiant, refusing to consider changing, feeling attacked, even attacking back. You're getting nowhere. And the situation is growing more and more unpleasant. This is natural enough since people don't like it when you try to change them.

What would happen if you stopped reacting to the behavior and began to ignore it? Would it get worse? Maybe, maybe not. But then what would happen if you began rewarding the absence of that behavior with praise, appreciation and affection? No behavior is without pause. Reward that pause!

You have changed the meaning of the entire sequence of behaviors. No longer does your partner's behavior "cause" your reaction. Instead, you now respond in a different way because you choose to. You took control of yourself and make your life a little more manageable. By changing the meaning of your interaction, you have changed the co-created meaning of your partner's behavior. You have offered your partner an opportunity to reconsider the motives behind his or her behavior and introduced the possibility of change. And all this without a confrontation!

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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