Dealing with anger comes at two particular levels - most important is realising that it is your problem, and secondly devising strategies to actually dealing with it. Most people, when they get angry about something will instinctively blame someone else, either a particular person or if they cannot find someone specific, often a more global entity.

The instinct to blame other people or God for what is happening or what has happened to us or other people is perhaps one of the most basic instincts there is in human beings.

Having an instinct is fine, the problem with this type of anger is that one stays locked in the blame and never makes a shift towards owning what it is within you that is actually generating the anger.

Obviously different levels of anger and rage exist in different people and different situations, but there is a common point here that is hugely important. Whatever the particular situation is that gives rise to someone's anger, that situation is effectively a trigger, and the cause of the anger is actually within the person themselves.

Many people immediately reject this approach to dealing with anger, as they feel in some ways it justifies the actions of the person or people involved in triggering the anger.

This is a common misapprehension and whilst understandable, actually tends to block people from being able to deal with anger effectively. Perhaps one of the clearest examples of this is the process of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs.

It might surprise many people to realise that most of the work that is done in a rehab or in fellowships such as Alcoholics Anonymous actually has very little to do with drink or drugs or other substances as such. Most of the work that is done with people is on a therapeutic basis, which helps people deal with the underlying emotional drives that fuel their drinking or other addiction.

Core to this approach is an appreciation of dealing with anger and resentment as being the main emotional drives and problems that alcoholics and other addicts have to deal with.

A key element of helping people to own the fact that their anger is their issue not other people's, is to make the person realise that actually their anger is hurting them not the other person.

If a person realises that something they are doing or feeling is hurting them and there is a way they can stop it then they are more likely to be receptive to looking at it in such a light. Once that happens there are a number of strategies and coping mechanisms that people can use to dampen the effects of their anger.

The actual process of dealing with anger and resentment can vary widely. A few of the common solutions are things such as sharing the incident or event with someone, writing about it in different ways at both an adult and inner child level, through to physically venting your anger by hitting something such as a pillow with an object that allows you to physically exhaust the feelings that are present.

The other key element is a realisation that there are no right and wrong feelings in this. There tends to be a societal approach that it is a bad or wrong thing to feel anger and rage.

Certainly the effects of someone being angry can be pretty unpleasant, but the feelings themselves are neutral, they are neither right or wrong. Realising that how you feel is an instinct as already mentioned, and that what happened outside if you is a trigger, albeit often a very heavy trigger, allows you the freedom to look at what it is within you that is generating the anger and change it.

Author's Bio: 

Peter Main is a freelance journalist and copywriter who writes extensively about all areas of self growth and self development. He has a particular focus on self help issues for people who are in recovery from or who have been affected by alcoholism and other addictions.Some people begin their journey of recovery and healing in a rehab, others in a twelve step fellowship such as Alcoholics Anonymous, others in a religious or spiritual setting. He has worked in this field for just under thirty years and has extensive experience in many areas of different therapeutic approaches, including counselling, inner child work,meditation, spirituality, adult children work etc