Standing For Your Marriage: Encouragement For Marriage Restoration

Unhappy marriages are running rampant. My hat is off to the spouses that stick it out. So often in a marriage, one partner acts wrong, and the other tries to tolerate it. It is an unfortunate situation but oh so often. I just wanted to encourage you to "do right and suffer the consequences". I am not suggesting sticking around if there is physical or sexual violence, but being a person that has suffered through a cheating spouse, and a quarter million dollar divorce, I know that one of the worst things in life is having the family tore apart, and doing the custody thing with your own children. In my humble opinion when families split and divorce, the only winners are the lawyers.

It is more often than not that children are involved, which by itself is reason to tough it out. During my divorce my father told me "just give her whatever she wants in the divorce, and let her go her way."

If I had the wisdom to listen to him, I would be much richer, and most likely not have high blood pressure. But I choose to fight in court, and it cost me dearly.

Marriages are intended to be forever. "For better or worse." This oath is so easily said, but later one may realize that it is much tougher to live out. So with that said here are a few friendly pointers from someone who has been almost daily through a living hell of a marriage, and still together.

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First off let me say that the only way I can stand is my Christian faith. I just don't see how people make it without it. I believe with all my heart that there is a living God who loves you, and will help you through a bad the situation. Cry out to God ask him to show himself to you, and help you out. While I am on my pulpit, let conclude this tidbit by saying the only way to God is through his son Jesus Christ.

Pointer number two. "Choose Your Battles Wisely." When fights seem much easier to get into that our blue jeans, let's choose to just be still. My grandma always said it takes two to fight. If I see my mate blowing up at me, many times I will not respond or with a gentle answer. The Bible says "a kind word turns away wrath." It also says "blessed are the peace makers". Other times things disputed are of value and worth standing your ground for. But sometimes it is just best to be quiet. So choose your battles wisely.

If you choose to confront your loved one, then correct them gently. A great man once told me "Run it through the filter of love before it leaves your lips." A great lady once told me, "Once over the lips, always on the hips." (Did that have anything to do with this?) Anyway.

With the divorce rate at over 50 percent it is easy to give up. Stand up for your marriage! Beat the odds. Don't be afraid to take a hard look at yourself, and see your faults. Even more, don't be afraid to admit fault. And most of all forgive. Forgiving will release a lot of anger built up in you, and every time you will be the winner, even if you lose the fight.

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Nearly every couple with have weeks, months, or even years when it feels like arguments are the most common way of communicating. Sadly, separation is the step that thousands of couples take each year. There are certain methods that you can use learn how to avoid divorce.

1. Balance: There is nothing wrong with having a positive work ethic and career mind but it is essential to find the right balance between the amount of time spent on the job and that which is spent with your family. Everybody craves a certain amount of attention. It is important to find time to spend with your partner, and this should not be just at the dinner table or in front of the TV.

2. Listening: Being a good listener can help you when learning about how to avoid divorce. It usually occurs in marriages that after a number of years we start to ignore what our partners tell us. It can be very frustrating if you are not listened to. Make the effort to understand exactly what is affecting your partner, and then you will be able to find a solution easier.

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3. Equality: All marriages are made equal but in life one person may have a more dominant role. It is vital that all aspects of the relationship are dealt with on level terms. Not just because one partner earns a better salary than the other doesn't give them an automatic right to make important decisions without consultation.

4. Routine: It is easy for a marriage to develop a boring routine. Try to be more spontaneous. This includes taking time off work and going on excursions.

5. Trust: It may be the case that your partner does not want to tell you everything that has happened in their day. This may not be because they are having an affair; rather it could be that they just want to switch off from their jobs when they get home.

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Do you find your self holding a grudge, not letting go of hurt, continually reminding your spouse of things that happened in the past, blaming your spouse for all that is wrong with your marriage? All of these are symptoms of a buildup of resentment in marriage. Resentment develops when something your spouse did causes you to feel anger and hurt. Holding onto those feelings, instead of dealing with whatever caused the anger and hurt, is a recipe for resentment. Having resentment toward your spouse is one of the surest ways to poison and destroy your marriage.

Resentment causes bitterness and you will soon find yourself full of negative thoughts toward your spouse. The negative thoughts not only threaten your marriage, but they also hurt you. A quote I have often heard is "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die." The poison of resentment affects every aspect of your life. As you hold onto more and more resentment you become more and more bitter. In addition resentment can lead to feelings of depression.

The reality is that whatever someone has done, is done, you cannot change what has already happened. Many people try to convince themselves that continually remembering and holding onto the past makes things different. The only difference this makes is in your attitude, it becomes progressively worse.

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The only person who you have control over is you. Remember that. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of your spouse, but you can control your thoughts and actions. Even in the best of marriages, things happen that cause one or the other spouse to be hurt. The difference between a healthy marriage and an unhealthy marriage is letting go of that hurt and moving on or harboring resentment and clinging to the hurt.

Abraham Lincoln once said "People are about as happy or unhappy as they make up their minds to be." You can choose to hold on to every hurt and continually feel the pain or you can choose to forgive and let go of the hurt. In other words hurt feelings are going to happen, negative thoughts and resentment because of those feelings is entirely your choice.

Is resentment a silent partner in your marriage? If it is, I can promise you that it is slowly but surely destroying your relationship. A build up of resentment eventually leads to feelings of hate, and you cannot love and hate someone at the same time.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Today I am here to tell you that the fate of your marriage lies entirely in your hands. If you do the right things, you can save your marriage from a divorce; regardless of how bad everything might seem right now. I have done it, and doing the right things, there is no reason you shouldn't.

However, remember that this is a double edged sword. If you are able to do the right things, it's all good; but if you do the wrong things instead, you might end up irrevocably damaging your marriage. So it's vitally important that you tell the right things from the wrong ones.

The most common reaction against the possibility of a divorce is the "knee-jerk" reaction. When facing divorce, you tend to search for the quick fix which will heal everything as quick as possible. Unfortunately, this is not something that you can really achieve. Whatever your marriage's problems (that led to the possibility of divorce) didn't just appear out of nowhere one day. They grew from certain roots over a certain period of time. This means that there is nothing you can do to cure everything overnight. Moreover, such a desperate "quick fix" search can do a lot of damage to your marriage, because it inevitably ends up in you begging your spouse - which is a big no-no.

To be able to stop your divorce, you need to first get rid of this knee-jerk reaction mindset. Stop looking for that quick fix, because there isn't one. Quit being depressed and desperate to save your marriage. You CAN do it, and you CAN save your marriage; but not by being devastated about it. What you need is to have a clearly considered plan; not desperate actions to fix everything quickly.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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