Staying Connected - How To Get What You Want In Bed

Talking about your views, needs and conce
s on sexual matters with your spouse is the first step to get what you want out of sex in a marriage or in any long-term relationship. But this can be challenging to some couples who are either too embarrassed or do not know how to express their thoughts in a way that will not lead to arguments. However, effective sexual communication skills can both improve intimacy and sex life with your spouse. Here is a list of ways to improve sexual communication skills with your spouse.

(1) Think first before you open your mouth

Before you bring up any sex topics with your spouse, you need to ask yourself what is the purpose and objective. If you have more than one objective, one of them should be for the purpose of improving your sex life. Once you are clear about what you want, you will next think of what and how you are going to say, taking into consideration your spouse’s feelings.

(2) Create a conducive atmosphere

Choosing a suitable time and place where both of you can talk freely without any distractions (best if you can switch off your cell phone when you talk) is equally important. For example, if what you want is to have sex more often, before initiating it, make sure you build up the mood first like lighting a few candles, having a shower with your spouse, kissing him or her to get your partner sexually ready.

(3) Put your message across in a positive way

You can strengthen the “good feeling” mood by focusing on telling your partner the things he or she does or should do to pleasure you. This positive feedback can make sex more enjoyable for both of you when your partner knows what you want and will concentrate his or her efforts on the things that turn you on.

(4) Be very clear or specific in what you want

Tell your spouse exactly what he or she should do to arouse you. Be very specific. Say something like, “Look into my eyes when you give me oral. I like you to also lick the area between the scrotum and the anus and to spend a bit more time on the exte
al area of the anus……” This can save time for your partner in trying to guess your sexual preferences. As a woman, if you can express what you desire clearly, you can help to make it easier to have orgasm faster for yourself, resulting in greater sexual satisfaction.

(5) Let your hands do the talking

At times, it may not be necessary to talk. You can just use your hands to guide your partner to any part of the body that you like to be touched or to get into the sex positions you want. Some moaning if it happens naturally can also serve as an additional useful guide to your partner.

(6) Show your partner you are enjoying if he or she is doing the right things

When your partner does something you enjoy while making love, do let him or her know. Give some positive responses or feedback such as moan, groan, or simply say, “Oh! That was wonderful. I love it when you do that. Some more! Harder!” Offering positive feedback can encourage your partner to spice up your sex life in more amazing ways because he or she will like you to reward him or her with ever more praises.