In general, someone can find that they are easy-going and rarely if ever assert themselves. They are then going to typically go with the flow and not act like a separate individual who has their own needs and feelings.

It could be as though their own will is not very strong and even non-existent at times, as they will allow themselves to be easily influenced and directed by others. So, as opposed to being an adult, they can be more like a child in a lot of cases.

One Area

When they spend time with friends, then, they are likely to go along to get along. It won’t matter what it is that they want to do as they will keep their head down, so to speak, and ‘go with the flow’.

But, even though they won’t be listening to themselves, it doesn’t mean that they or others will realise this. They could be oblivious to their own needs and feelings and create the impression that they are fine.

The Fall Out

After they have been around others and are in their own company, they could feel tension in their mouth and upper body and feel low. This will show that they are feeling angry and helpless.

Yet, as they are not in touch with their needs and feelings, they won’t be able to know what is going on. The information that would shed light on how they feel will be just outside of their conscious awareness.

Another One

When they are at work, that’s if they work for a company, they could keep themselves to themselves and not say a great deal. When they are around their manager or someone who is higher up, they could experience a fair amount of discomfort.

This could be a time when their priority is to say the right thing and to please this person, not to truly express themselves and to make it clear if something is bothering them, for instance. For one thing, they are unlikely to ever ask for a raise.

The power of Authority

If they ever pay a visit to their doctor, it could be as if they are in the presence of a god. They could go along with whatever this person says and not question anything that they hear.

The same thing could take place when they are exposed to the mainstream media, with them accepting just about everything that they hear. It will be as if they have been given a drink and they just drink it all, without taking the time to see if it tastes ok.

An Analogy

Based on how they typically behave, they are going to be like a leaf in the wind. They will be tossed around all over the place and they won’t be able to control where they will go.

Like this leaf, they will lack the will to assert themselves and to decide how they will live their own life. Ultimately, their life will be very much out of their hands and this is going to stop them from being able to live a life that is deeply fulfilling.

Inner Conflict

Deep down, there is likely to be another part of them that is unable to tolerate living in this way. Hence why they will often experience tension, feel flat and even get angry from time to time.

This part of them will want them to assert themselves and to live a life that is in alignment with who they really are. But, for some reason, this part of them will be dominated by another, stronger part of them that doesn’t want this to take place.

What’s going on?

If they were able to reflect on their life and to see that they have a strong need to follow others and do as they are told, they could wonder what is going on. As far as they are concerned, there could be no reason for them to be this way.

Nonetheless, although their conscious mind could have absolutely no idea about why they are this way, if they were to go back in time to their early years they might soon find out why. This is likely to show that due to how painful this stage of their life was, their brain automatically blocked out what took place in order to protect them.

Back In Time

During this stage of their life, they may have had at least one caregiver who was physically abusive. Instead of providing their child with the love, guidance, protection, support and care that they needed, they would have greatly undermined them.

To handle what was going on, they would have gone into many different survival modes with the fawn response being one of them. Losing touch with their will, being passive and doing what they could to please this caregiver would have been a way for them to minimize the harm that was done to them and to survive.

A Brutal Time

How they were treated had nothing to do with them and everything to do with what was going on for their caregivers. But, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, what took place would have been personalised.

It was then that there was something inherently wrong with them and they were unworthy of life. What they went through would have stopped them from being able to develop a felt sense of safety, security, belonging, worth, love and trust.

A Key Point

The truth is that they didn’t deserve to be treated like they were nothing; they deserved to be loved, supported, protected and cared for. For them to reconnect to their true self and to let go of the part of them that believes that they need to be a non-entity to survive, they are likely to have a number of negative beliefs to question and pain to work through.

They would have been greatly undermined during a stage of their life when they were powerless and totally dependent by the people or person who was supposed to love them, which is why it would have left such a big mark on their whole being. This is why, for them to transform their life, it will take patience, persistence and a lot of self-compassion.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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