Right now, someone could have a strong need to be successful. In fact, this could be something that they have wanted for as long as they can remember.

If they were to think about why they want to be successful, they could think about how fulfilling their life will be. What could also enter their mind is that the purpose of life is to be successful.

An Example

At this point in time, they could live a life that is anything but fulfilling and they could often be down and depressed. Still, they could have at least one friend or know someone who is very successful.

This person could have a business that is doing well, be somewhat or very famous, or be part of a well-known band. Either way, the life that this person leads will provide them with inspiration and motivation.

The Next Stage

So, once they are clear about what they want to achieve, they could look into what they can do. After this, they can put in a lot of their time and energy to move towards this aim.

Thanks to how unfulfilling their life is, they could have a lot of drive. If they do, this is going to serve them as not only is it likely to take time for them to achieve their goal, but there can be numerous setbacks for them to overcome.

Two Parts

Therefore, along with thinking about what their life will be like once they have achieved their goal, what will also motivate them is how unfulfilling their life is. In other words, both pleasure and pain will be what is driving them forward.

Yet, if they didn’t have this pain to move them forward, they might not get very far. The reason for this is that pain is likely to have a far greater impact in them than pleasure.

The Final Stage

After many months and perhaps years have passed, they might end up attaining exactly what they desire, or something that is very close to it. This can be a time when they feel greatly relieved, grateful and fulfilled.

To be specific, they might be fairly well off, well-known, and receive a fair amount of attention and approval, for instance. After a while, though, the impact of what they have achieved could not only wear off but they could feel very low.

A Strange Scenario

Assuming that this is what takes place, they could end up wondering what is going on. What might enter their mind is that they need to achieve something else and that this will change how they feel.

But, even if they were to achieve something else, they might not feel any different. At this point, they could lose the desire to do just about anything, feeling totally hopeless and helpless.

What is going on?

As strange as this may appear to be, if they were to take a deeper look into what is primarily driving them; it might start to make sense. Deep down, they might be looking for the love that they missed out on during their formative years.

In addition to all of the reasons that they had in the beginning that they were aware of around why they wanted to be successful, there will have been all of the reasons that they had that they were not aware of. It was then not that they simply wanted to be successful; it was that they primarily wanted what they believed they would receive by being successful.

Two Levels

What this illustrates is that there is what they want at a conscious level and what they want at an unconscious level. But, although there are these two levels, they have an impact on each other.

If they were to connect with what is taking place for them at a deeper level, they may find that a big part of them wants to receive their parent or parent’s attention, acceptance and approval. This could show that their early years were a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.

A Barren Time

What they needed throughout their development years was a parent or parents who were able to attune to their needs and provide them with the love and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead, this is likely to have been a time when they were emotionally if not physically abandoned and they may have been verbally and physically harmed.

The trouble is that although this was likely to be due to their parent or parents not being in a good way and unable to provide them with the love that they needed, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. Consequently, they would have been deeply deprived and come to believe that they were inherently worthless and unlovable.

Moving Forward

As this stage of their life is over, it will be too late for them to meet their unmet developmental needs. This is why it won’t matter what they achieve as it won’t make up for what they missed out on.

For them to gradually put his stage of their life behind them, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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