Ideally, someone’s early years would have been a time when they were supported and given what they needed to grow and develop. Providing this took place, one should be able to support themselves now that they are an adult.

One will then be classed as someone who is self-sufficient or self-reliant, with them having the ability to stand on their own two feet. At one stage they will have been a dependent child, while at another they will be an interdependent adult.

How Does This Look?

This can mean that one will have a job where they work throughout the week and have the weekends off. Or, it could mean that one will have their own business, something that might allow them to set their own hours.

Regardless of whether they a work for someone else or if they are self-employed, they might make just enough to get by. Then again, they could be in a position where might make a fair amount of money.

Reaching Out

Additionally, they might only do what they do because they are paid to do it or they might do something that is deeply rewarding. Either way, they will be able to support themselves.

Still, this is not to say that they won’t they need to borrow money if they want to buy something that costs a lot of money, such as a house, for instance. This could be seen as something that is just a normal part of life – that is unless someone earns a lot of money each month/year.

Two Sides

So, being able to support themselves is going to give them the ability to express who they are and to live their own life. Along with what this allows them to do externally, will be what this allows them to experience internally.

Living in this way can allow one to feel strong and capable, and they can feel powerful and as though they have control over their life. These are all things that are likely to have a positive effect on their mental and emotional health.

Rising Up Again

If they were ever to end up in a position where their livelihood was taken away from them, it might not be long until they are able to get back on their feet again. Thanks to what is taking place inside them, they should be able to recreate a life where they are supported.

This could be something that takes weeks, months, or longer, but they will be able to see it through. The belief that they have in themselves and the support that is inside them will allow them to change their life.

Another Experience

For someone else, their early years may have been a time when they were not supported or given what they needed to grow and develop. Consequently, it may mean that they have trouble supporting themselves now that they are an adult.

One could then be seen as someone who is dependent on others and unable to stand on their own two feet. They would then have been dependent during their early years and they will still be dependent even though they are an adult.

A Disempowered Life

Not only will they most likely need to rely on others for money, they will probably find it hard to feel good about themselves. Feeling powerless, weak and helpless could be a normal part of their life.

This doesn’t mean that they won’t have a job but, even if they do, they may only earn a very small amount. The amount that they do earn is not going to be any near enough, which is going to make matters worse.


One might not have looked into why they experience life in this way or they might have taken a closer look. Yet, even if they have taken a closer look and worked through their inner wounds and challenged the beliefs that were formed during their early years, for instance, it won’t have allowed them to change their life.

And even if someone did have a fairly nurturing childhood, they could still experience life in this way. Someone like this can then feel capable and competent, but they still won’t have been able to stand on their own two feet.

What’s going on?

It can seem as though one is being held back by someone or something out there, with this being the reason why they haven’t been able to support themselves. Through having his outlook, they could end up seeing themselves as a powerless victim.

However, what if living in this way is what allows them to feel connected to their family and to feel loved? And, if they were able to support themselves and to stand on their own two feet, they would feel disconnected from them and cut-off from this love?

Going Deeper

This shows that a big part of them believes that they can only be connected to their family and be loved by them is if they are dependent on them. Being able to support themselves is going to be what one part of them wants, but it is not going to be what a stronger part of them wants.

On the one hand, experiencing life in this way is going to cause them to suffer and, on the other, it is going to benefit them. The trouble is that as they haven’t been aware of what has been going on at a deeper level, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to see that they were sabotaging themselves.

How Did This Happen?

The reason that one equates love with being dependent can be due to what was passed down to them from their ancestors. Perhaps this is a belief that has existed for a number of generations.

One wouldn’t have needed to have consciously come to believe that they would only be loved if they were dependent, as this may have been something that was just passed onto them. Their conscious mind would then have had absolutely no awareness of this, causing them to lead a very frustrating existence as a result.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. Something called family constellation therapy can allow them to let go of this unhelpful loyalty.

Holding onto this belief will have been a way for them to stay loyal to their family. Through raising their consciousness, they will have been able to see that they can support themselves and be loved at the same time.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.