Surviving and Thriving after Betrayal and Relationship Breakup

One of the hardest things to handle in a relationship is betrayal. It doesn’t matter whether you were stood up by a date, or your marriage ended horribly. Betrayal hurts. I’ve heard so many women say ‘I can’t trust anymore.’ I don’t want to try again. The pain can be deep and self-esteem shattering. It can cause people to set up emotional barriers, and create walls that are difficult to pull down. These barriers have the power to affect every future relationship until we confront them and deal with the pain and issues.

This doesn’t mean that everything we suffer after a betrayal is bad. Sometimes we are betrayed because we lacked survival skills. Experience is a great teacher. Even betrayal can teach us important life and relationship skills.

Betrayal is an ending, but it is also a beginning.

The first thing to remember is that betrayal is something that happens in life. It happens to everyone. Breakups are hard enough without Betrayal. Finding that someone you trusted and opened up to emotionally, physically, and spiritually can take something from you.

Don’t own it.
Don’t blame yourself
It has nothing to do with your personality or looks
It has more to do with the person who walked away than you
Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong
Don’t start looking for a replacement

Coping Skills

The first thing to do is to work with someone to help you create a dating strategy. There are many good relationship life coaches and dating life coaches that can help you create a ‘break up’ strategy. This usually involves a technique called Cognitive Thinking. Basically, this means that something happens and we have a thought and reaction. That thought and reaction is based on our core beliefs, and our self esteem.

The objective of a break up strategy is to challenge those beliefs before a break up, and determine which ones are healthy and realistic – and which ones are self destructive and based on a mis-understood concept. You also need to understand which ones are ‘yours’ and which ones you’ve been programmed to believe.

A dating Break UP strategy will also help you avoid self destructive behaviour like binge drinking, over eating, or under eating, allowing anxiety and depression to control your life, hitting the clubs, or using sex to avoid and bury the feelings.

It is important to grieve. There are some good ways to speed up the grieving process.

Pick a break up song
Pamper yourself
Get involved in activities that fill your spare time
Let yourself cry
Journal all your feelings
Take a course
See a life coach or counsellor

Take Time to Heal

There are many theories on how long it takes to break up. The only constant is that if you don’t give yourself enough time you are likely to end up in another self-destructive relationship. You may also fear being betrayed again so you sabotage any good relationship that comes along. Another common trait is to move from one bad relationship to another. These are ‘safe’ relationships because you know you won’t let yourself become emotionally involved, saving yourself some pain when the next relationship ends.

It’s All About You

Breakups are hard. Breakups following betrayal are harder. It doesn’t matter whether you are hurt, or angry. The emotional pain is the same. What is important is to take time for you. Really focus on making yourself happy. Do not just ‘deal’ with the break up – but really let yourself heal.