Brokenness is the theme of the first Beatitude. The significance of being poor in spirit is simply that, as long as I was living my life under the fallacious notion that I was self-sufficient, I thought that I didn't need God in my life. I now realize that our need to love and know that we are loved by our Creator is at the very core of our being as children of our God. It is the motivating factor in our desire to worship our Beloved. Our Creators call for us to worship is our Beloveds invitation to simply enjoy being in the presence of the Holy ONE. I suspect that when we feel we have been abandoned or that we are not loved by our Creator, that this is the motivating factor in our rebellion.

When I was broken and when I was convinced that I was absolutely helpless and absolutely hopeless, I entered a state of depression, self-pity, and mourning that catapulted me into the depths of hell. This particular kind of mourning was for me, a long and drawn out process.

I was fortunate to have met a man who had experienced the same kind of brokenness as I had and who became my spiritual guide. This man led me to understand how by humbling myself, and by becoming "teachable", I might regain a semblance of being ok with myself. This was my first step toward humility. This is the significance of the "meek being blessed." This is the outcome of first being broken, and as a result of this brokenness, sinking into a state of mourning, and then, so to speak, taking baby steps into the realm of spirit through meekness and humility and becoming willing to learn how to get out of this horrible state of depression and despair.

It eventually became apparent to me that, if I were to find a modicum of peace, I would of necessity need to learn a new way of living. Under the guidance of my spiritual counselor, I came to understand, as human beings, we are a gregarious species and our sense of wellbeing is based on our positive relationships with one another. I was led to recognize that, first I had to make right the wrongs I had committed on others.

As I begin to "hunger and thirst for righteousness," I am eventually compelled to look deep within my own being to find who and or what I truly am because the quest for "righteousness" is the beginning of my quest for truth. When what I find is pride and fear and the painful wake it has wrought over myself, my loved ones and anyone else who had the misfortune of getting in my way, the mourning process begins to take on a new power in which I am overwhelmed. When I mourn my past actions and attitudes and the harm these have caused others, this is the beginning of the fulfillment of the second Beatitude.

In looking deep within myself, I find that my pride, fuelled by fear, is a result of the basic, subconscious understanding of my true place in the universe. It is when I truly understand what I have known all along; the fact that I am completely and absolutely powerless over every other human being who walks the face of this earth and every situation that I will ever find myself in. And, in fact, I am absolutely powerless over myself and my own fate. I have absolutely no power or control over when or how I will die, aside from suicide, and suicide is against the basic instinct for survival.

Fear is the opposite of love and since love is the collective combination of all of the good, true and pure qualities of life, fear is at the basis of all the negative, dark and impure aspects of death, i.e., death of the soul. Ironically, fear is the result of our most basic animal instincts and yet, unguided by reason and ultimately faith, it causes the demise of our humanity; of our very being; of our souls.

Fear is that ineffable force that compels us to pride, anger, lust, envy, greed, gluttony and sloth. It compels us to be selfish, to lie, to be self-seeking, resentful and self-pitying. We fear we will not get what we want or we fear we will lose something we already have. Fear is based on security, status, and sex; losing one and not getting the other. And when our fear turns into sloth; ambivalence and complacency, we enter the realm of hopelessness.

But when I consummate my "hunger and thirst" by admitting my flaws, weaknesses, and faults, first to myself and to the Holy ONE and then to a human spiritual guide with the wisdom to give me counsel, I find myself at the gateway leading from the realm of spiritual death, back into the light of life.

Under the guidance of a spiritual counselor, I learn that I am not the only human being who acted in these negative ways. I learn that deep within is the yearning for love and acceptance. I learn that those who have hurt me in the past, present and future are spiritually ill just as I am spiritually ill. Just as I yearn for acceptance, I am required to accept others as they are; children of our Eternal Creator, my brothers and sisters. This knowledge develops humility in knowing that just as they are spiritually ill, I am also spiritually ill. We are all on the same plane.

I learn that although perfection is most probably not in my future as a human being, I can learn how to grow and enlarge my spiritual development on a daily basis. I can learn on a continual basis how to live life in an increasingly caring manner by giving of myself to others and by so doing I experience greater joy, peace, and happiness with the satisfaction usefulness brings.

But before I have love to give away, I need to come to terms with my past wrongs as well as coming to terms with the wrongs others have committed against me. My confession of past wrongs that I perpetrated on others brings the negative offenses I kept secret deep within myself out into the open. With the aid of my spiritual advisor, this process helps me to understand what exactly caused me to behave in these ways. And thus, I gradually become enabled to forgive myself. I begin to understand that God didn't cause my pain - I caused my pain. And coming to recognize that others suffer from the same growing pains as I do, I gradually became enabled to forgive those who committed offenses against me. It is only then that I am ready to make my amends to those whom I have wronged.

This process of making amends restores my relationships with those whom I had hurt in the past. There are some who hold onto their resentments against us, but in making an effort to right our wrongs, we learn the depth of our need to forgive others and ourselves. Making amends was for me, an experience verging on the ecstatic. And this is something that I need to make a continual part of my daily spiritual quest. As a weak and flawed human, I fall from time to time and when I do I need to go through the entire process again. I need to re-recognize the fact that I continue to be absolutely powerless over all others. I need to bring the full weight of understanding that when I am upset with another, there is something wrong with me and that I am the only one whom I can change and my deepest need is to change for the better. I need to place emphasis on the fact that without my Beloved Father I am nothing and I need to rely on the Holy ONE for strength and direction to become what I am meant to be. I need to journal what I did wrong and discover why I committed that wrong. I need to consider who I hurt and how and why I hurt that person or persons. I need to discuss my failing with someone who is on the same spiritual path as I am on. In this way, I become able to forgive myself, and if need be, to forgive the other. I need to become willing to allow my Beloved Father to rectify my faults and I need to, with as much humility as I can muster, ask my Beloved to grant me the direction and strength I need to become what I am meant to be. Then I need to attempt to make my amends to the best of my ability and as I make my amends, I need to live my amends by becoming as helpful to others as possible. But when I am helping another I need to bear in mind the fact that it isn't me doing the good, it is my Beloved working through me. By keeping this in mind I avoid spiritual pride. And I have found through experience that spiritual pride can have a disastrous outcome.

The only power I have is my ability in the formulation of a positive attitude toward others and the situations I find myself in. That being said, ultimately the only power I have is in the turning of my will over to the will of my Beloved. My faith tells me that My Beloved IS love. Love is, therefore, the most powerful force in existence. Love is good, kind, gentle, caring, patient, tolerant, sincere, persistent and humble. It always helps and never hurts. The only thing I need to do in order to do the will of my Beloved is to put my love for his/her other children into action. The only thing I need to do to fulfill my purpose in this life is to place the welfare of my brothers and sisters above my own. While this is impossible for me to do on a constant basis, I can choose to make the best attempt I am capable of at any given moment. In practicing these principles, I have found that I can begin my day over again and again if need be. And as I continue to be a flawed and imperfect human being, as long as I continue to do what is in front of me to the best of my ability, I will continue to perform the will of our Holy Creator. As our Creator, our Beloved Father knows full well our flaws and imperfections.

Others have done the same harms as I have done. Others have acted in the same loving ways that I have. Now I know I am on a spiritual path that my Beloved approves of. I have found a great deal of comfort in the knowledge that I am not alone. "Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."

Other articles in this series are:
Synopsis of the First Four Beatitudes
Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, for Theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven
Blessed are Those Who Hunger and Thirst for Righteousness, for They Will Be Filled
Blessed are the Merciful for They Will be Shown Mercy
Blessed are the Pure in Heart for They Will See God

You can Order 18 1/2” x 12 1/2” fine art prints by Curt Doll for only $35.00 plus shipping of course. Every one of these works of art is a product of intimate and personal collaboration with my Beloved. I was the instrument which my Beloved used to create these works of art. Without my Beloved, I am infinitely less than a puff of smoke.

Author's Bio: 

Artist - Designer - Painter since 1977 - Curtis R Doll Jr began creating stained glass windows in 1979, cutting glass, assembling the windows including installation and various and sundry jobs that go along with making stained glass - began designing monumental architectural glass installations in 1983 for churches, storefronts, malls, etc., and continued to design small, residential & commercial projects - in addition, creating computer graphics, manipulating and restoring photographs - creating digital, limited edition fine art prints since 1998 but his passion continues to be painting abstracts in gouache.