Take One Seat

As a friend and I were walking yesterday, we touched on the subject of religion. She knew I'd been restless in my faith and was encouraging me to stop by her church, Inner Light Ministries. Although I may do that someday, my restlessness has ebbed.

To give you some background, I was raised in the Unitarian Universalist Church in Massachusetts in the 1960s. I gained an incredible amount from the experience. The church provided two years of religious exploration, starting with the Egyptian god Aten and ending sitting in silence in a Quaker meeting. We came to understand at a high level the origin and beliefs of each religion and experienced the worship by ourselves, to gather information at a different level. The education grounded me in openness and an ability to hold different beliefs as valid, many paths to one source.

The Unitarian Universalist church in the 1960s, particularly in Massachusetts participated in the Freedom Rider movement to register black voters. There was a strong civil rights flavor to our worship. However, we eventually sang "We Shall Overcome" one too many times for my Southern-raised father and he pulled us out of the church. We switched to Methodism, but my heart was never in it.

Over the next few years I was married by a Methodist minister and blessed by a Catholic priest, played piano for the Presbyterians and the Lutherans and attended Catholic mass with my Irish Catholic husband. I enjoyed and learned, but never quite fit in.

I drifted away from church, and from my Irish-Catholic husband. I remarried and only began to look for a church home in earnest only when I became pregnant with my first child. I figured he needed to be raised as something, if only to have something to rebel against. By that time, I was in a small town in Pennsylvania, and there weren't very many choices. I went to all four churches in town, and settled into the small Episcopal Church — mainly because the priest challenged my mind.

The people of the church nourished me and my children through many upheavals in my life. The female priest caused lots of ripples and I experienced first hand the shape that church politics can take. When I moved from Pennsylvania to California, I again became attached to the local Episcopal Church, although at more of a distance. Nonetheless, I found comfort and support from these good people.

Another move, a new relationship, my children leaving home and I was once again pulled away from regular church going. I was disturbed by the posturing of many (but not all) of the conservative Christian communities. I found I was having difficulty calling myself a Christian.

So I began the search anew. I made a few trips to a new Episcopal Church, but couldn't quite bring myself to totally immerse in it. I even tried the Unitarians again, but found I’d drifted too far in my thinking. After years of Episcopal aerobics (stand, sit, kneel, stand, sit…), the casualness wasn’t comfortable.

Then I read a story where a life-long Christian had asked the Dalai Lama if he should convert to Buddhism to become a better person. The Dalai Lama told him he should plumb the depths of his own faith instead. The Buddhist phrase to "take one seat" came to mind.

So I have returned, to a degree, to the Episcopalians. I am endeavoring to go further in depth, to understand my faith, to connect with the other human beings. I'm sure there are church politics — we are, after all humans. However, I see the role the church in my life to encourage me to be a better person and give me the support to do it.

The teachings of my youth return. There are many paths to the source and this is the one I’ve chosen for this lifetime. I find comfort in the community as I take my seat.