Taking Stress Out On Spouse: My Husband Is Stressed Takes It Out On Me

When we're experiencing stress from work, we're often irritable, and when we walk in the door at home it's difficult to shed the bad mood leftover from the workplace. In fact, many marriage arguments can be blamed on this problem. Imagine this scene: After a difficult day of work stress, you walk in the door at home. You were ten minutes late meeting a difficult deadline because the person responsible for sending you the necessary data was in meetings all day. Your boss yelled at you. When you arrive at home, your spouse asks you, "What's for dinner?" And you snap as easily as a branch in a windstorm. An argument between the two of you follows.

Scientists have found that marital satisfaction and satisfaction at work are related to each other and that arguments with coworkers and work stress can lead to conflict with your honey as well. In one study, husbands reported becoming more withdrawn from their spouses after a stressful day at work, whereas wives in the same situation tended to lose their tempers with their romantic partners. In another study, husbands and wives reported greater marital anger and withdrawal following negative interactions with coworkers. Women seemed to feel more pressure from a heavy workload than their husbands, reporting greater marital anger and withdrawal on days that they were bombarded with a large amount of work.

After a hard day at work, it's important to take a deep breath and realize it's not your partner's fault your coworkers took out their bad mood on you. Or that your boss criticized you all day long and your lunch disappeared out of the company refrigerator. Staying calm and relaxed after a difficult day can be challenging. But here are some tips to stop work stress from intruding upon your home life.

Separate Work Stress from the Relationship

Ask yourself: Am I really angry with my partner? Or am I stressed over something else that's happening in my life? Peter and Gloria, a couple I know, are pros at recognizing when work stress and family stress is intruding upon their marriage. Through the years, Peter has learned to subdivide his relationship with Gloria into three parts: 1) The daily issues he deals with separate from his relationship with Gloria--his family, his career. 2) The problems Gloria faces on her own. 3) The issues within their own relationship.

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"If I know that she's having a hard time dealing with her father's illness or she's really frustrated with work--that is outside the relationship," says Peter, "and that is not something to draw into our relationship."

Gloria agrees. "We know not to take it personally."

By acquiring this wisdom, Gloria and Peter saved the upcoming marriage of Gloria's brother, John, to his fiance, Karen. The scene started as the four of them piled into the car.

"The wedding's off!" Gloria's brother screamed.

At the time, John was sick with worry over his father's cancer, and as a twenty-six-year-old entrepreneur, business pressures also weighed him down. The last thing he needed: his fiance clamoring for attention.

First, Peter turned to John and said, "I don't want to impede on your relationship, but because of all these external things going on--the stress of your job, your father--you're taking your frustrations out on the person you love the most. You need to separate all these stressful things from your relationship. Don't take it out on each other."

Peter suggested that Karen refrain from pushing her fiance into a confrontation. Leave him alone to deal with his problems, Peter told her. Give him as much space as he needs.

Thanks to Peter's advice, the wedding was back on.

"A lot of outside factors can destroy a relationship," says Gloria. "The most important thing to remember is allow that person the space to really think about what it is that's affecting him. As John is stressed out about my dad's illness and his job, Karen's going, 'What's wrong with us? I need more attention,' and it's only stressing him out more. He can't fight the cancer, he can't really fight his job, but he can fight her."

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Ask: Am I Working Too Hard?

Another question to ask yourself: Am I working too hard? Researchers have noticed that marital satisfaction drops in dual-career relationships where both members of the couple are extensively involved in their work--in other words, the couples who were more involved in their careers were less satisfied with their marriage. Yes, you need to earn money to help pay the mortgage and it's perfectly okay to be passionate about your career, but could the two of you devote at least one night per week to date night?

Find Ways to Reduce Stress from Work

Denny and Phoebe King know firsthand the effect stress from work can have on a marriage or relationship. When Denny's job relocated him and Phoebe to another town, the resulting stress nearly ended their marriage. The Kings now take steps to alleviate stress before it can enter their lives and taint their relationship. They watch their diets and they exercise. And they help others through volunteering in the community.

"That is a great way for people to get a totally different view of what's going on in the world," says Denny. "You give something back to other people, and you feel good about it. That's one way to help reduce stress."

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Communication is the lifeline for any successful relationship be it spiritual or physical. In marriage communication is the lifeline of marital harmony. It's the fuel that ignites the passion of love and care in the marriage institution. A lot has been said about communication in marriage by great marital counselors yet the chaos witness daily in marital crises and breakdown is greatly alarming.

Communication in marriage is not limited to vocal expression alone, although that is highly important. I am looking at the untold dimension of marital communication which is really the cause of marital breakdown. Mind communication is the greatest secret to marital success.

While one may express feelings in words, actions it may not really be the true reflection of what is going on within the partner. As a result of this, tension builds up within which alters the direction and energy of thoughts. Marriage is sustained by thoughts and imaginations not really by outward actions. When couples' thoughts are harmonious, that is the mindset as per the marriage is filled with positive projections, it is difficult for such marriage to collapse.

One can therefore say the true pillar of marital success is mind-communication. Thoughts are energies that can be used positively or negatively. A certain trend of thoughts brought the marriage into existence, it will require equal or greater thoughts to sustain the marriage and enjoy marital bliss. Your marriage becomes your thoughts with time. There are lots of things couples are not vocal about but project such through the mind. Your partner becomes what you think predominantly about him. This is just the truth. Those things you say or think in your mind about your spouse can either solidify your marriage or weaken your marriage.

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The unspoken word within is stronger than the spoken word without. The unspoken word within is empowered by the will and feeling aspect of the subconscious mind. When you see couples quarrel and one of them becomes really angry and making negative remarks about the other partner that is only a fraction of what has been built within. It's like a volcanic eruption. The one you see is only a fraction of what is submerged within.

When your mindset becomes corrupt with anger, hatred, jealousy, bitterness etc. , you are likely to see loopholes to assert your negative mindset. Unknown to you dangerous communication is going on between you and your partner. Your partner may not be aware initially but gradually he will begin to respond in kind, especially if you have a stronger mindset power that him. When he begins to respond to your communication unconsciously that will then reinforce your beliefs about the negative conviction you are having. This can also be from the man to the woman. Since your mind communication has become negative, it will affect the way you now view things in your marriage. You begin to get what you expect not what you truly want or desire. In reality, your partner automatically meets your expectation.

The more negative your mind becomes, the more negative your marriage becomes also. The issue is not with your partner but with you. It means you need to take a sober look of your mindset towards your marriage and change it. Chaotic marriage can work if couples will humble themselves and be sincere about their true inner feelings to one another. Express the negative feelings you are having to your partner, no matter how hurting it may be. In most cases your mindset has been controlled by assumptions not reality.

When all have been said, couples should forgive each other and ask for the grace of God for courage to keep the mind thinking and communicating the right thing. The mind should be centered on reading The Bible, good books and tapes. Above all couples should learn to practice meditation and visualization. See your partner the way you want her to be and with time you will see such manifesting in your partner's life. The untold marital mind communication when handled wisely will produce great marital tranquility.

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Realizing that your marriage is on life support is an immensely painful discovery to make. Who wants to look in the mirror and see your marriage is heading for divorce court? One of the biggest problems is that most couples do not realize the problems in their relationship until they have festered to a point where the time for reconciliation and forgiveness have passed. Ignoring, or missing completely, the warning signs that your marriage is heading for divorce will make it impossible to save.

If you are reading this article, it is obvious that you are not one of these people who are ignoring the growing problems in your marriage. You see that things in the dynamic of the relationship have changed, and what once looked so perfect now seems full of cracks. You love your spouse and desperately want to save your relationship when you feel your marriage is heading for divorce court. If you are reading this article, then there must be problems, and if there is one thing I can tell you, it is that you must take action before it is too late.

The first thing you are going to have to do is have an open, honest conversation with your spouse about the state of the marriage. You must be willing to actually HEAR what they have to say, even if it is hurtful. You must also point out that you love them deeply, but feel that something has changed between the two of you. If you have agreement on this from your spouse, the chances your marriage is heading for divorce court are very slim indeed.

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Have you found that, perhaps, work and other commitments have taken priority over your spouse in your life? This must be addressed. You and your spouse should both put your marriage at number one on your list of priorities. Your marriage cannot work if it is based on indifference, that isn't a marriage, that is being roommates, and ones who aren't very close at that.

You both have to agree about the importance of making time for each other. This does not mean that you have to spend every single hour of every day with the person, but rather that you both agree that you need to make a conscious effort to spend quality, meaningful time with one another. Have a "date night" or other regularly scheduled event gives you both something to look forward to, and that is spending time with each other.

If you can see the signs before things digress to far, you can save things when your marriage is heading for divorce. You must talk with your spouse and determine the problem areas and work on fixing them together. If you can both be on the same page, and willing to put in the required effort, you are well on your way to having a happy marriage, once again.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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When you first realize that the emotional connection between you and your spouse is lost, you will think that from this moment, avoiding a divorce is impossible and sooner or later your marriage is going to end. It is dreadful to sense the dynamic of your marriage change and maybe disappear. Dreadful as it may be, it still does not mean that there is nothing you can do for avoiding a divorce. You are definitely not out of options to make your spouse love you again, and "for good" this time.

A marriage starts in the highest note possible, with the ceremony and the honeymoon, it is impossible to top that. Naturally, the only way a marriage can go from that point is "down". And that can be a very tough ride on some marriages. When "real life", as in "mortgage" "arrival of kids" "paying the bills" etc. kicks in, it can completely kill all the love and destroy a marriage. Concisely and precisely, "life gets in your marriage's way". But avoiding a divorce is not impossible. If you try to re-connect with your spouse the way you two did when it was early in the marriage, the love can easily be re-ignited. For this, you need to get the "real life" out of the way for some time - one hour, or two hours maybe at a time; a period of time which you will spend alone with your spouse and make them think of nothing else but their connection to you.

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Many marriages come to the brink of divorce just because one side has ceased appreciating the other. Yes, you want to avoid the divorce, but have you really shown your love and appreciation of your spouse, explicitly? In a marriage it is easy to take your spouse for granted. It is even easier for your spouse to "think" that you are taking him or her granted, even if you are not. If you have been neglecting this aspect of the marriage, you need to act now. Show your spouse that you appreciate him or her, and everything they have brought into your life. Do not overdo it, as they might think that you are not sincere, and are doing this just for avoiding a divorce. This will kill your credibility and that is the last thing you want. Sometimes the subtlest of things can make the greatest positive impact to avoid a divorce.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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