TEMPER TANTRUMS - ARE PARENTS TO BLAME

Could your busy life be the cause of your child’s temper tantrums? When baby has a meltdown or a toddler has a blowup, we often lay the blame on everything from an interrupted nap to an untreated case of ADHD. But, could the increasing number of tantrums be much less physiological in origin than we would care to believe? Are we guilty of being more attentive to our children when they are bad than when they are being good?

No doubt that illness can make a baby cranky and ill tempered. We all have had the unpleasant experience of being awakened from a sound sleep by a child screaming from the pain of an earache or some other physical problem. These episodes are completely unrelated to the garden variety temper tantrums that might result from a parent interfering in some delightful activity that might be causing chaos like smearing peanut butter on the wallpaper.

It’s understandable that your child would be unhappy under these circumstances, but what about those times when for no reason the temper tantrums burst forth for no reason? If there is no illness or unwanted reprimand to blame it on, what could be the cause? Perhaps the root of the problem is found in the behavior of the caretaker or parent in charge rather than some underlying condition on the part of the child.

Modern parents have a lot on their plate. They want a career with the money and success that comes with it as well as a warm and loving family. Unfortunately, neither careers nor families can flourish under these neglectful circumstances. Unless the family is nourished and tended there are a number of things that may go awry. Temper tantrums are often a manifestation of a child that is feeling lonely or uncared for. Put quite simply, the child is acting up to get more attention.

I have seen more than one case where a smiling, sunny tempered baby turned into a very angry behavior problem because mom and dad didn’t see the warning signs. A mild mannered baby was taken for granted and virtually ignored. At some point the child began to think that the way to get more attention was to whine. Parents are encouraged by childcare experts to overlook occasional whining so when a low level complaint is not heeded; the volume goes up until the whine becomes a scream or a temper tantrum on a grand scale.

Once things go this far, the fix is not an easy one. It is far easier for children to be given the praise and attention that they crave for being good than to have to deal with temper tantrums and learn how to handle them later.