That's Some Wine

Published in The Broomfield Enterprise, 1/6/08 So, this is a true story—I’m not making this up. A group of friends were enjoying a summer dinner on the patio of their Washington, D.C. home. And just as they were finishing their marinated steaks, grilled shrimp and vegetables, a hooded man entered the yard through an open gate. Pointing a gun at the head of a fourteen-year-old guest, he told the group to hand over all of their money. None of the attendees had any cash–pulling out their empty pockets as proof—and stood frozen in anticipation of what the gunman would do next. Now, let me just take a break from the story here for a moment and say this is one crappy dinner party. A glass of wine, a summer breeze and grilling out back…with a chance of getting capped? I might not accept another invitation from these folks… None of the guests, however, could have predicted what would then happen: One of the attendees offered the hooded gunman a glass of wine from their bottle of Chateau Malescot St-Exupery. The intruder took a sip and said—again–I am not kidding— “Damn, that’s good wine.” He took a few more sips, had a bite of Camembert cheese, and slowly put the gun away. Then he looked up at the party guests and said, “I think I came to the wrong house.” The gunman stood up and—I AM TELLING YOU I AM NOT KIDDING—hugged the guests before he left with the crystal wine glass in hand. Once out of sight, the group hurried inside, locked the door and called 911. The crystal wine glass was said to have later been found carefully placed in an alleyway nearby. Now, I’m sure you are thinking the same thing I am: Ad Campaign! I mean—c’mon! That is pure marketing gold! This winemaker never has to pay another dime to an advertising agency. All they have to do is sit around in their woody, grapey, mood-lit rooms and have a few glasses of wine themselves while they think of tag lines. “Our Wine Is So Good It Can Stop An Armed Robbery” “”Forget About A Therapist…Have A Glass Of Chateau Malescot St-Exupery…It’s all good…” “Ingredients for marinated steak and grilled shrimp: $36.75. Bottle of Chateaux Malescot St-Exupery: $40.99. Fending off a hooded gunman: Priceless.” I could go on and on and I haven’t even had a glass yet. This winemaker has got it made. I don’t know if they ever found that hooded gunman, but if they do, they should offer him a feature spot in the campaign. He could give a realistic account of his emotions and explain how one glass of Chateau Malescot St-Exupery changed the course of his life. In our culture, he would surely become famous, like the guy from “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire” or Paris Hilton. He could end up doing spots for Carl’s Jr. Burgers…I’m talking big here. Of course, it all depends on how the winemaker wants to be perceived… I mean, if they want to stay all stuffy and classy-like, then they can ignore the opportunity wildly banging on their door. But, if they really wanted to, all they need is a good tag line and a Super Bowl spot and they are set for life. I think I’ll go have a glass for myself right now and think of all the opportunity…